Common First Date Fears That You Really Don't Need To Worry About

by HowAboutWe, on Tue Sep 27, 2011 12:13pm PDT by Scott Alden for HowAboutWe.com

1. You’re not good looking enough
Look. I’m not going to lie to you and say that looks aren’t important. You already know that they are, because they’re important to you, right? But you have to remember that looks are very fluid. You rarely see yourself when you’re laughing, when you’re curious, when you’re talking about something you’re really passionate about.

More often than not, you see yourself in the mirror when you’re worried about how you look. Trust me. You look better than that.

2. You don’t know anything about anything
You’re convinced that all your date is going to want to talk about is contemporary art/the implications of Exxon’s recent deal with Russia/indie heist films of the 90s/which hot new startup has a real shot for success/fall fashion trends and you don’t know anything about that stuff.

Well. So what. It’s your date too, and if your date can’t be bothered to find out what you’re interested in, that’s not your fault. Don’t feel like you have to smile and nod all night -- you can just change the subject. Or if you really are interested in what they’re saying, listen and and then ask informed questions. The neuroscientist sitting across from you doesn’t expect you to know already know everything about neuroscience, and may enjoy talking about it to someone who doesn’t get it.

3. You’re awkward
One of the top qualities cited by all genders and sexual orientations as important in a potential mate is confidence. So, fearing that you’ll be penalized for your tendency to stumble over your words and knock over salt shakers isn’t crazy.

Please remember, however, that confidence is not the same as flawlessness. It’s easy to be confident if you’re Mr./Mrs. Smooth, but confidence despite the fact that you’re not the ideal specimen? That’s impressive.

Take for example, say, the President of the United States. He routinely stammers and trips over his words, but still comes across as confident and commanding. The point is -- how you rock what you got is as important as what you got.

4. You’re inexperienced
Maybe you ended a long relationship or a marriage and you haven’t been on a date since The Real World was worth watching. So what? The only mistake you can make is to apologize for your lack of experience.

The best dates are the ones where you’re both able to forget the rules, anyway. So you’ve got an advantage if you don’t know them to begin with.

5. You’re going to get something stuck in your teeth/spill on your shirt/have bad breath/do something else that will traumatize you forever.
First of all, it’s very easy to avoid most of these feared faux pas. Don’t order certain foods, have some breath mints on you, a little bottle of Wine-Away if that’s how you roll.

More importantly, if someone really holds something like spinach in your teeth against you, despite all of your other wonderful qualities, then forget them. A minor dating accident is actually a great litmus test for shallowness. If someone reacts badly to a little thing like that, consider yourself lucky that you found out early.

My Perspective:
It's tough enough to start dating, whether you are new to it or you are back in the game. The thing is most people end up ptting up a front, you know, something they realy aren't because they want to win the person over. So the end thing is the relations is done for. So why not just be yourself, no one else, because it is best for that person whom will possibily love you till the end of your days to love you for whom you are. Don't pretend. Be yourself, act yourself, and of course if you are a comdeian, make sure there is a time and place for it. Balance is important not only for you but for all relationships. But there is no need to preten, because sooner or later, probavly sooner you will be discovered...so why bother...simply enjoy yourself, be yourself and if they like 'YOU' for 'YOU', then it will all turn out great if not, then you move on.

Thanks for reading...till next time Latino Man Signing off.

Women Having Kids

The other day I was reading Cosmopolitan, yah I was reading Cosmo. Any ways there was an article on women having children and how 1 out of 5 women are now deciding that having children is not as important in a marriage or to them as it was back maybe in 1990’s when it was 1 out of 10 women on the topic of children. Many women are deciding in pursuing their careers or establishing themselves financially first and maybe having children later in their lives, but what’s happening is that later in their lives they are comfortable and content with their lives. Child bearing is not at the top of the list anymore.

Another thing too is that besides not being at the top of the list, the few that decide to go ahead and have children are doing so at a later age than it’s normal to. With today’s medical advances, it is easier for women over 35 or even 40 to have children. But the amount of women doing so has reduced. Now, of course I am not a women, but have been married for a long time and have two children.

Getting there was tough, we had to go through a lot of infertility programs over a span of 5 years, before we finally gave up and bam we had our first child. It wasn’t until my son was 7 when we were surprised with our daughter, not something we were expecting especially after seven years. But we did think about maybe not having kids at one point and trying to get ahead financially and maybe get situated a bit better, then try again. The thing is during that time there was a hesitation in having kids, coming from my significant other, and as she got older she was a bit more nervous and concern health wise, so I guess I did experience some of the feeling or thoughts that many women are having now, specifically through my significant other, but my question is in our instance it was different, so why is it that many women are now having second thoughts on the whole thing about having kids?

Is it really that they wish to move ahead in their career or is it that they cannot find the right partner to move forward with it…yah there are millions of single moms out there doing just find, but it seems that more and more women don’t want to do it alone anymore, not because they can’t simply because they do not want to…they want to share in the upbringing and of course share in the responsibility. It seems now more and more men are getting more involved in raising their children, changing diapers, feeding, hospital visits, school functions, after school sports, etc. it’s not all the women anymore you can begin to see more and more men at these places. So I think that the career thing is not the only reason why there is a jump in women not having kids…1 out of 5…I think there are other variables involved.

My Perspective:
We can read all these articles, studies or whatever we see, but the thing is that you need to look into it further and not take everything you read as strong facts. I think that we as couples participate more, communicate more then we will see an increase of women getting back into the maternity thinking…it’s a strong feeling, child and mother…I just can’t believe that it’s been replaced with Career. Those are my thoughts, thanks for reading, till next time Latino Man signing off till next time.

Be safe, be adventures, find balance between work and life.

Labeling Humans

Let’s talk a bit about me, or better yet said, the Latino Man. It’s common to associate the Latino man with many things that well, most individuals would consider inappropriate, demining or well…out right worthy of a third world country and many would have it.

Now, when people think or see a Latino man they immediately associate it with drinking, gang, violence, illegal immigrants, 5 or more people living in one bedroom apartments, not paying taxes, food stamps, and a whole sleuth of other things I am sure people could come up with. You know, bean-er comes to mind and it’s really sad to think  that as people we can’t get past certain things or that we immediately think that everyone is the same. Yah I know that Latinos are not the only minority getting it in the rear, but since I am Latino, I guess I could give my perspective on Latinos a little better than trying to see how other minorities think and feel.

The thing is that growing up, as many Latinos have seen, is tough, simply because of being Latino. Doors are automatically closed on you for certain things, teachers, counselors, and other educational figures label you simply because of being Latino…yah educational people. And starting from school and trying to work your self up in this already tough world, carrying a heavy label of “Latino” makes things even harder and for many simply not worth it and heck, they veer off to doing things that Latinos are labeled to do. So many yah we can brush off the “Latino” label and maybe yah we have to work just a bit harder to get that promotion, or get that position on the football team…heck…going t a job interview…sometimes being short and dark skinned is an issue. Yah, that should not be the case, but we all know the truth.

The thing is growing up , yes I had to work a little harder, maybe not so much because of the color of my skin, but because I come from a single parent family, and that being my mother. She of course had to work two jobs to put food on the table and clothing on my back, so she wasn’t around to help me with my Homework, class projects and to see me play a sport….I was pretty much all alone while in school. I also had to learn about friendship, girls and heck puberty and believe me there are certain thing sin a boys life that need to be addressed and I don’t mean by your peers. So, maybe being dark skin wasn’t the complete issue, but more of my growing up alone. Yet, I still experienced discrimination in restaurants, job interviews etc. I mean I went for a stock Broker Position and was challenging….the office…seriously looked like a sea of white collars workers. Yet I went to apply for a cooking position and BAM, when can I start was their question.

Now, I have seen a lot for my ripe young age 40, not just because I had to, but because I wanted to. I did and tried ever business (Infomercial) that as out there, from placing little ads in hundreds of newspapers to flipping notes, to a vending machine route; the list goes on. But in all my searches I learned something form each experience, which was a positive thing for me, since I was able to flush out the false-hood gimmicks and find the things that worked. But wait not only in business, but in all aspects of my life…I was more in tuned with people, all types of people. You see through out all those attempts at making money online or by following the footsteps that others did, I learned that every single time it was the same exact business scheme, they simply changed the face, the name and switched a few words around…the only thing you were doing is buying what you already bought 3 years ago. The thing is that…every day there is someone born…so they need fresh faces, new and hip names and bam they are selling the same idea.

I don’t care what anyone says…they are the same thing… seen infomercial after infomercial. Now, the thing is, if you look closely at all of it…you’ll find that there are certain business that will work…but they are not quick rich schemes…they take time, patience and most importantly Persistency. And thy will provide residual income – with time.

Now, the thing is that as a Latino, many of us live in that label and we simply believe that good things are only for whites or the majority…yah…it has been drilled into our minds from childhood. We don’t want to try anything and for those few that surpass that mentality, we can get through, but of course it is still tougher but we get through those labels, build and before you know it you’ll be where you really want to be.

I remember when I was 25, and clubbing, yah…clubbing. When I started talking to a lady, the first question from them was, “was I married.” And when I told them no, they would follow with, “How many kids did I have.” And when I said none, they would look surprised and asked if I was, “Gay”. They expected me to be married or divorced with kids.  Now the same thing would happen when they would asked what I did for a living, and when I told them they would simply laugh and not believe me…some would walk away or turn around and there were a few, that were drunk…lol…that wouldn’t care…they were there to have fun.

I guess that should be the case when you go out…you simply want to get away from all the drama and relax…have fun…sometimes though people think you are on the hunt…they might be right, but maybe not directly for a relationship…if you know what I mean…lol. The thing is that how people perceive us really does affect a lot on how you perceive yourself and it will eventually affect how you will make choices in life. Life comes at you whatever color your skin is…yah our rocks might be a little bigger, but it’s how you take them on that will provide the final outcome and if you simply take it as being Latino and allow yourself to believe that you are like everyone else…thinks you are…then go ahead, or you can step back and accept your color, make best with what you have and fight a little harder to get what you want or where you would like to be. Maybe reaching for the stars is not the first goal, but reach a little lower, school, the first entry job, and build yourself to that star.

I have seen and dealt with many issues because of being Latino, I have also learned to utilize my gift of two languages. I have learned to not fight with everyone I see, but instead make friends with them and learn everything you can. Don’t judge your peers, colleague, and co-workers, instead judge yourself on how you are moving ahead and what you are doing to get there without stepping on anyone. Yah…sometimes you have to claw your way to the top…but you know what…you can do it with style, professionalism and still…still have the respect from all those you beat to the top. And the best part of doing it with dignity is that you did will enjoy it a lot more.

Being Latino is not easy, being anyone is not easy, but being yourself should be the easiest thing you can be.

I worked hard and I am still working hard, my goal is to retire like my father at age 55…it seems impossible at the moment with the whole economy as we see it now, August 2011. But all we can do is ride the wave and do our best to keep afloat, because financial world doesn’t see the color of your skin, they only see the color of you money. So the rich could get richer, but they can also loose a lot more than the poor.

You know things get associated to each race and it’s unfortunate, and it’s not something new, its being around well for a long time. I mean I married a Latino woman, thinking I should, they are this and they are that. At first I wanted to marry a white women, sounds funny, not sure why, maybe because my first happen to be white and she was pretty awesome…older, gorgeous…oh well…so maybe that’s the reason I thought about it and the funny thing is that I had a whole image on the woman I would marry, long blondish hair, full lips, about 5’ 5” or so, white complexion and I ended up marrying a woman with very short hair, small thin lips, about 5’7”, light brown and well Mexican…funny how things turn out. But experiencing all the relationships I had seen through, I have seen through friends and read articles on and stories on, it all started to look like there was just a lot of drama…with any type of women or man for that matter…so whether I had married a white woman or Mexican, I guess it would not have mattered. I have heard it s sort of difficult to marry into a different culture and sometimes beliefs or life style clash…so either or…at some point everyone is in same boat. I don’t know, I still see it all around me…and sometimes I think it starts all when they are kids…because 2 years and 9 years and 18 years and 40 years all have issues, drama and well heck you can’t get away from it. Look around…the drama you see at work, if you look close enough it almost seems like you were back in High School…hmmm. Anyhow, I have to say that it’s tough all around and we need to brush off what we can and move forward, maybe not necessarily “On”, but “Forward”.

My Perspective:
Don’t label, don’t allow others to label you and if they do, brush it off. Stay your course on what you would like to do with your life and with small steps you will get there…you have to believe. Simply giving into the labeling should not be an option. Yes you will come across huge obstacles, people will put you down, and you will probably hear the word “No” a lot, but you known what, with each no there is a closer chance that a yes will come about and you know what…more than likely it’s the one :”Yes” you have been waiting for. I worked hard in my profession for nearly 20 years…and each company before would not really see or appreciate the potential I had…the company I am with now…truly appreciate what I can do and what I do for the company. I have reach my peak performance I am at my prime…it took me a whole lot of work, sweat, blood and pain, but I am slowly getting there, on course to where I want to be….it isn’t being rich, simply want to live comfortably, and provide my children with the college education they deserve without all the pain I went through. Of course I will teach them humbleness and righteousness, I will do my best to provide them with the tools they will need to be good contributors to society…and guess what I am Latino…I am a man…thanks for reading.