A Latinos Blog

Parenting –

“It’s More than a Job…or is it?”

One of the most incredible things in life is becoming a parent. We all or most of us look at it as a chance to raise an individual to become the best person they can, or at least better than the parent. Many parents look through the eyes of their kids, playing sports, dance, gymnastic…things that possible we as kids did not do or were not able to do. Sometimes I think we push our own kids into things they really don’t want to do…but are doing it because they either have to or they don’t want to disappoint us. But as parents I think we know what is best for them, not necessarily because it might be, but because we have experienced what they are experiencing; so we try and guide them away from the things that hurt us as children or guide them away from the bad things we did…hoping they will not turn out like us…or maybe not necessarily all bad, but we as parents hope they become better people…individuals that will provide to the community…maybe beyond.

Parents teach most by experience, we teach the things we learned and lived through…possibly some parents will teach also from what they learn from other and their experiences. But for the most part our kids learn from us, what we do, our actions, are mannerism, are values. Of course children once they go to school will begin picking up other little annoying habits or maybe not so bad habits…but they will learn a small percentage from the outside world. But what determines their being will come from the parents…whether you parents agree with me or not…they will learn from watching you. The thing is that most of the time kids have a tendency not to listen…I mean for example. You kids are sitting in the living room watching TV, and you are of course doing something around the house, when you come across their room or the bathroom or something…and you begin to flare up. You stump towards the living already yelling at the kid, from the other room and when you do reach them and you begin to reprimand them on what you saw – how does it play out. Now, did you noticed that while you were flickering your finger at them and speaking they were looking at you and then so vaguely look back at the TV, then back at you…as you talk. I am sure since you were flared up, most parents do not notice this, many do, but many don’t and the parent simply continues on there verbal attack. How much of what you said did the child actually hear?

Of course you can go ahead and stump over and turn off the TV, and start again on the verbal attack, but once again…do they hear the words that come out of your mouth or are they hearing Charlie Browns Teacher voice? I don’t know…it seems that as parents we stress out so much more on things that the children care to do anything about. The sad thing is that most of the time these kids will not know exactly what the parent tried to do…until they are much older…and sometimes it can be too late. I don’t know…maybe not, the things is as adults we start to remember the things are parents did and we start to recollect some of the verbal bashing we got and we step back and look at our kids and say, OMG…did I do that as a kid”. If I didn’t listen to my parents, and my kids aren’t listening to me, when does this cycle stop? Or should it, maybe it is meant to be this way…the never ending cycle. Or maybe…just maybe as parents we need to change to some new tactic or possibly not sweat the little things and concentrate on the bigger issues that could potentially happen. Maybe…just maybe…if we don’t get all flared up when something small happens and let it be…then maybe our kids as they get older they will have more confidence in coming up to us for advice…you know the later years are basically the more important years…as toddlers or pre-teens it is a bit easier to manage them, but when they hit the Teens that’s the time they are exposed to a lot more and that’s when we need to be there for them…the thing is they have to want to talk to us and trust us.

It seems to not get any easier…even with what we know as parents…the things we could share with them. But if your child simply does not want to hear you out…then what can you do as a parent. Tough love…I don’t think so, ground them, temporary fix, I mean what is there out there that parents can do. Yah there are help support groups…they been around for decades…always covering the same dam issues with kids…so after 30-40 years why do we still need these support groups…I means if we have them and we help the children should there be a point in time that the kids start listening since the parents are going to these supports groups and their parents and their parents…come on…it should finally get better somewhere in time – but we all know it doesn’t. so being a parents too me has become a scary thing…??

The other day I was thinking…should having kids only be just that – having kids? I mean…should we simply have them and then let them be…simply provide them with a roof over their head and food, but other than that let them learn on their own? It sounds bad, but if you stop yelling, it doesn’t mean they will necessarily start listening…but maybe if you stop yelling…it will allow them to learn on their own. Of course if they happen to come up and ask for some advice…as parent you provide it and not necessarily push your idea onto them but simply provide what you know and see if they take it or not. I am not trying to sound cruel…but yah I am only starting off and no I am not giving up…well maybe sort of, but not…I am only trying to understand, “what can parents do to raise a good child or maybe not so good, but a child that will make good decisions or at least try to make good decisions”.

My Perspective:
It’s hard to give my perspective because I am writing this article to get a perspective. I don’t yell, don’t discipline, yell, discipline, do this do that…parenting…it is a job, and it should be rewarding…your children are always rewarding, but the process of parenting can use some work.

I do thank you for reading, till next time Latino Man signing off.