Parenting –

“It’s More than a Job…or is it?”

One of the most incredible things in life is becoming a parent. We all or most of us look at it as a chance to raise an individual to become the best person they can, or at least better than the parent. Many parents look through the eyes of their kids, playing sports, dance, gymnastic…things that possible we as kids did not do or were not able to do. Sometimes I think we push our own kids into things they really don’t want to do…but are doing it because they either have to or they don’t want to disappoint us. But as parents I think we know what is best for them, not necessarily because it might be, but because we have experienced what they are experiencing; so we try and guide them away from the things that hurt us as children or guide them away from the bad things we did…hoping they will not turn out like us…or maybe not necessarily all bad, but we as parents hope they become better people…individuals that will provide to the community…maybe beyond.

Parents teach most by experience, we teach the things we learned and lived through…possibly some parents will teach also from what they learn from other and their experiences. But for the most part our kids learn from us, what we do, our actions, are mannerism, are values. Of course children once they go to school will begin picking up other little annoying habits or maybe not so bad habits…but they will learn a small percentage from the outside world. But what determines their being will come from the parents…whether you parents agree with me or not…they will learn from watching you. The thing is that most of the time kids have a tendency not to listen…I mean for example. You kids are sitting in the living room watching TV, and you are of course doing something around the house, when you come across their room or the bathroom or something…and you begin to flare up. You stump towards the living already yelling at the kid, from the other room and when you do reach them and you begin to reprimand them on what you saw – how does it play out. Now, did you noticed that while you were flickering your finger at them and speaking they were looking at you and then so vaguely look back at the TV, then back at you…as you talk. I am sure since you were flared up, most parents do not notice this, many do, but many don’t and the parent simply continues on there verbal attack. How much of what you said did the child actually hear?

Of course you can go ahead and stump over and turn off the TV, and start again on the verbal attack, but once again…do they hear the words that come out of your mouth or are they hearing Charlie Browns Teacher voice? I don’t know…it seems that as parents we stress out so much more on things that the children care to do anything about. The sad thing is that most of the time these kids will not know exactly what the parent tried to do…until they are much older…and sometimes it can be too late. I don’t know…maybe not, the things is as adults we start to remember the things are parents did and we start to recollect some of the verbal bashing we got and we step back and look at our kids and say, OMG…did I do that as a kid”. If I didn’t listen to my parents, and my kids aren’t listening to me, when does this cycle stop? Or should it, maybe it is meant to be this way…the never ending cycle. Or maybe…just maybe as parents we need to change to some new tactic or possibly not sweat the little things and concentrate on the bigger issues that could potentially happen. Maybe…just maybe…if we don’t get all flared up when something small happens and let it be…then maybe our kids as they get older they will have more confidence in coming up to us for advice…you know the later years are basically the more important years…as toddlers or pre-teens it is a bit easier to manage them, but when they hit the Teens that’s the time they are exposed to a lot more and that’s when we need to be there for them…the thing is they have to want to talk to us and trust us.

It seems to not get any easier…even with what we know as parents…the things we could share with them. But if your child simply does not want to hear you out…then what can you do as a parent. Tough love…I don’t think so, ground them, temporary fix, I mean what is there out there that parents can do. Yah there are help support groups…they been around for decades…always covering the same dam issues with kids…so after 30-40 years why do we still need these support groups…I means if we have them and we help the children should there be a point in time that the kids start listening since the parents are going to these supports groups and their parents and their parents…come on…it should finally get better somewhere in time – but we all know it doesn’t. so being a parents too me has become a scary thing…??

The other day I was thinking…should having kids only be just that – having kids? I mean…should we simply have them and then let them be…simply provide them with a roof over their head and food, but other than that let them learn on their own? It sounds bad, but if you stop yelling, it doesn’t mean they will necessarily start listening…but maybe if you stop yelling…it will allow them to learn on their own. Of course if they happen to come up and ask for some advice…as parent you provide it and not necessarily push your idea onto them but simply provide what you know and see if they take it or not. I am not trying to sound cruel…but yah I am only starting off and no I am not giving up…well maybe sort of, but not…I am only trying to understand, “what can parents do to raise a good child or maybe not so good, but a child that will make good decisions or at least try to make good decisions”.

My Perspective:
It’s hard to give my perspective because I am writing this article to get a perspective. I don’t yell, don’t discipline, yell, discipline, do this do that…parenting…it is a job, and it should be rewarding…your children are always rewarding, but the process of parenting can use some work.

I do thank you for reading, till next time Latino Man signing off.

Never Ending Cycle –

I know…I know its been a very long time since I posted…no excuses…but I do have to see that kids take a lot of your time…not that I am complaining….just that a 7-year old and a 6 month old sure do require a lot of attention…actually that is the topic of my blog today…so.

“Why do kids want to learn the hard way?”

Hopefully this won’t turn out to be a philosophically topic and I don’t mean it to be…it’s something I have noticed since been married and of course since having kids. Of course I don’t base my ideas on only my family, but other families that I have come in contact with since one of my kids goes to school. I find it interesting how much you become interactive with your kids lives and there friends and families…you begin to notice things…and then it actually brought me to my question or this topic.

As parents we only want the best for our children and most of us do our parts as parents…I mean that with the most out respect, but there are some parents out there that seriously don’t care…that’s the only word I could see fit. So anyhow, we care about our kids, and we always tell them the story about how we walked in the rain for miles to get to school, or how, fortunate you have a warm meal…because when I was growing up I didn’t know where my next meal would come from; these were some of the many stories we would tell our kids…amazing huh.

It seems to work for the time being…you might just get them to eat the veggies, but it seems you have to do it every day or every other day…the same story, then we get tired of arguing and repeating so we start on the punishment…”ok…so…you don’t want to eat your veggies…then no dessert for you”. I mean this is just a simple…thing…and many parents tell me…”Oh come on…nothing is going to happen to them if they don’t eat the veggie”. But its not about eating the veggies…its about teaching our kids how to explore and try new things, foods, sports, because in life you will find that you’ll have to do things you don’t like…everyone of us does it somewhere somehow with something…you can’t deny…so why not start from an early age to teach them while they are young. Come on…unless they are allergic to the food…nothing will happen to them if they eat it…we need to teach them.

And you the best is when I get parents tell me…”Well I don’t like fish…so my kid doesn’t like fish”...wow…I was so shocked…I couldn’t believe that…seriously….I know…I know…to each there own…but we are talking about another human being that is like a white canvas…ready to make a mark in life and because you don’t like fish….ok once again if you are allergic…its possible they are…but that is something that needs to be checked to see if they are…I mean don’t deprive our kids of all the wonderful things in life…always making sure they are ok…by try.

I know as kids grow…they go through the exact same things we did…you know Teenagers…we are fearless…superman like…nothing can hurt us. They never seems to want to hear what we have to say…you did it, I did it, other have definitely did…we just don’t listen. Yet ask yourself something…”if you knew then what you know now…could you imagine the possibilities”. So why not teach our kids…what we know...why not start from an early age and tell them…son/daughter…if I knew then what I know now…it would be different…so listen to me so you can be a better person than me.

I always try to explain things to my son, letting him know that I wish for him to be a better man than me…to not pick up my bad habits and to ask me and learn from me as much as he can. I think starting off early could lead to a more confident, well rounded person. I know it seems like an uphill battle…but if we just gave up…then we just give up on them…and I truly don’t think any parents want to give up on their kids…well most I believe wish for their kids to grow up and be a better person….I didn’t say a doctor, lawyer or physicist…just a better person.

You know I have a brother in law…that always tells e to let my son be a kid…and not to get on him so much. He does that…so he says…he has two daughters…oldest is a straight A student and cheerleader…looks like she wants to head into college. The second one well…not doing to well, always jealous of the oldest…and well...you get the picture. Now, funny he get on my case..but I have seeing a few times where he has gotten tough with his oldest…you know…the…let me ask my dad if I can go to the party…around my uncle…he won’t say no. Well he does say no and he gets on them…so…the whole let them be…hmmm…on his part…I think not. I have another brother in law…with 9 kids…and well…some are nice…but it’s like a mad house…no order…no control…nothing. My brother…it seems his son was a perfect angel…did good in school, played sports, but when he got out of high school…he started on drugs, alcohol, time in jail…I always looked at my brother and thought I hope I am as good as a parent as him…but then it all went to…well. I know there can be factors, families splitting up, bad divorces, influential friends, and so on and so on. But parents, whether married or single…there is an abundance of information out there to help all parents…teach them…be their for them…listen…explain, don’t yell…and always handle things with a gentle hand.

I am not saying that all families are the same…but if you look close enough…we all go through it….you yell they don’t listen they keep doing it…and then they have kids…they yell…their kids don’t listen…and it goes on and on. Ask your neighbor…I did…they told my how there two daughters always tested them (the word every one uses)…they yelled…”stop running you’re going to fall…and BAM…they fall”. We do that with our children…one thing or another.

Of course I have been told…”Well you know that every one is different and no one kids is the same” or “Well I don’t live in a nice house or neighborhood or I can’t give my kid piano lessons”. But if you step back and look whether in a huge house, small house, a bad neighborhood, or good neighborhood, whether you are a doctor or a fry cook….look at our lives…our children never seems to listen, I am not saying there are a few exception out there…but that’s just it…there are a few exceptions out there…so why can we do it? And I mean why can’t we do it…is why do we as kids don’t feel like listening…learning from someone older…only looking for your best interests.

So, is it in our genes…meaning as kids we just don’t listen…or want to learn from our parent or adults. Imagine your kids sitting down with you and asking you everything you know about life…the mistakes you made the things that turn out right…how you handle the first broken heart…because we all go through it…imagine that…kids listening…and then taking your advise...I have thought about it and maybe it’s the delivery of the advise or the thing we want them to stop doing…maybe if we did it in a more gentler or a more fun method of explaining…hmm not sure…just thinking out loud.

It’s crazy and I am probably making no sense at all now…so many thoughts…so many ideas…and so many families in the same situation. If they would only want to learn, and have fun as kids at the same time…its possible…its just getting them…our kids…to actually follow our advise through out life…or at least for their first 18 years.

Thanks for reading, I'll try and post more often...I'll try.

Being a Father

Once again thanks for reading another of my posts, so this one is actually from the my life and well it might sound more of a venting post, but I hope to get some feedback or maybe a few suggestions.

Today’s topic is about, “A troubled 7 Year old” and how to father, guide, educate and communicate with him.

Now, to be honest I didn’t have a father figure growing up…all I remember is my mother working…working…working, so when it came down to me, it was all up to me. Homework, washing clothes, cooking, living and learning…it was all up to me to learn and believe me when I say a lot of that I learned the hard way. Believe me I am not making excuses…it’s just that I wish I had someone I could have compared my fathering…is that a word…oh well…to someone else. I always hear this from friends, “Well my father told me….or my father use to say”. Well my father wasn’t around so I have nothing to refer to. Yah I read books, lots of books, on being a father…..ok some of them were pretty bad…some were written by men that were not even fathers…and of course some books gave good pointers or suggestions, but I felt that they always lacked that personal touch…feeling…bonding and now that my son is 7 and starting to be his own little man…I feel that I am loosing him.

The last thing I want is for my son to hate me…I want him to be able to come to me for anything….with any questions…I am no guru when it comes to life, but I sure have experienced a lot and I am a type of person that is always learning, watching, observing everything around me…yah I sound like a nut, but hey I had a very hard childhood and I had to always work extra hard to get ahead…no help with homework…so I had to listen and ask questions, study longer hours. No help with life’s questions, so I had to learn those things the hard way…and sometimes they weren’t pleasant. I am sure many of us as parents have been or experienced these things or even worse, but I want to help my son avoid these things…teach him what I know…apply them to his school life, his social life…I know as kids or teenagers we don’t want to hear, but I would really like to give him an edge on life…be a good man. I know…people tell me to let him be, let him learn as you did…he’ll be ok…you turned out ok…but you know…growing up…I wished I had my father with me…to play a game, take me to practice…tell me his little secrets on how to build a bird house, talk to a girl…yah…it would have been very cool to have had my father growing up. But I didn’t get that opportunity and yah my son could learn the hard way as I did, but I know that once he got older he would look back at our relationship and wished he had his father more.

I really want to get him to trust me, consider me his friend, his mentor…I want him to have someone now, and when he gets older and has a family one day…I want him to be able to come up to me anytime and ask me what ever it is…whatever it is…”Dad I am sorry man I made a mistake and I stole this shirt…”…no matter what it is…having him grow up to do the right thing and feel good about himself is important to me. Confident, responsible and passionate about life and the people and things that live in it…it sounds like a lot what I am asking, but if I could get just a small percent of the goodness I wish for him…maybe he will be a good person, not just to himself, but for his family, friends, colleagues and the community…”Teach him only the good things about me and none of my bad habits”.

Right now whenever I or his mother asks him to do something, like homework, practice piano or clean his room…he just mumbles under his breath, shrugs his shoulders and stomps off to do it…and I really don’t want him to do things with a bad feeling or angry…because then he will do them wrong or I feel he will associate the thing we asked him to do with something bad and I really don’t want that. So I have tried to talk to him, explain things, asked him what he feels inside when we ask him to do things…and he could never tell us…I know…I know he is only 7, but if you met him…you would agree that he is a smart kid. I don’t know…I feel that I am running out of ideas or solutions...well that’s my post for today and the topic…I am sure there are many parents out there in the same situation.

My Perspective:
Well, I have been told by parents and other single people that I should let him be and that we as parents only need to set an example, and listen. Well, I disagree….I don’t know why…but I didn’t have my father around and I didn’t like…ok…well…better said I didn’t have a father figure around when I was growing up. I feel that we should try and teach our kids to be confident, independent, and good person in society. I feel that we should give them the tools they will need to move ahead on the right path….ok I know many of us can’t afford giving our kids piano lessons, or karate lessons or even put them into a sport camp or pay for school functions…yah…I know that…I live it.

You see I have to work extra hard to raise an extra 80 dollars for his piano lessons…or give up something I enjoy…to scrap up 200 dollars to sign him up for a season of sport…it takes sacrifice on our part as parents, but when I see him playing the piano beautifully and the teacher is amazed on his progress or when I see his eyes light up when he put on his gear and goes out to play…it no longer becomes a sacrifice…I feel that our sacrifice will guide him on the right path. Yah I have seen kids go opposite when all there childhood they had loving, giving parents and all it took was one bad crowd to guide your child on another path and then all that work and sacrifice we did as parents is thrown out the window…but is that a chance we take.

I feel that I am loosing…I feel that I am headed in the wrong direction…I know he is only 7, but I feel that I need to catch it now and hope to correct the issue or trouble he might have hidden inside him…maybe its nothing and only a stage, but what is a father to do.

Thanks for reading and I hope to see some feedback or suggestions…until next time hang in there.