Being a Father

Once again thanks for reading another of my posts, so this one is actually from the my life and well it might sound more of a venting post, but I hope to get some feedback or maybe a few suggestions.

Today’s topic is about, “A troubled 7 Year old” and how to father, guide, educate and communicate with him.

Now, to be honest I didn’t have a father figure growing up…all I remember is my mother working…working…working, so when it came down to me, it was all up to me. Homework, washing clothes, cooking, living and learning…it was all up to me to learn and believe me when I say a lot of that I learned the hard way. Believe me I am not making excuses…it’s just that I wish I had someone I could have compared my fathering…is that a word…oh well…to someone else. I always hear this from friends, “Well my father told me….or my father use to say”. Well my father wasn’t around so I have nothing to refer to. Yah I read books, lots of books, on being a father…..ok some of them were pretty bad…some were written by men that were not even fathers…and of course some books gave good pointers or suggestions, but I felt that they always lacked that personal touch…feeling…bonding and now that my son is 7 and starting to be his own little man…I feel that I am loosing him.

The last thing I want is for my son to hate me…I want him to be able to come to me for anything….with any questions…I am no guru when it comes to life, but I sure have experienced a lot and I am a type of person that is always learning, watching, observing everything around me…yah I sound like a nut, but hey I had a very hard childhood and I had to always work extra hard to get ahead…no help with homework…so I had to listen and ask questions, study longer hours. No help with life’s questions, so I had to learn those things the hard way…and sometimes they weren’t pleasant. I am sure many of us as parents have been or experienced these things or even worse, but I want to help my son avoid these things…teach him what I know…apply them to his school life, his social life…I know as kids or teenagers we don’t want to hear, but I would really like to give him an edge on life…be a good man. I know…people tell me to let him be, let him learn as you did…he’ll be ok…you turned out ok…but you know…growing up…I wished I had my father with me…to play a game, take me to practice…tell me his little secrets on how to build a bird house, talk to a girl…yah…it would have been very cool to have had my father growing up. But I didn’t get that opportunity and yah my son could learn the hard way as I did, but I know that once he got older he would look back at our relationship and wished he had his father more.

I really want to get him to trust me, consider me his friend, his mentor…I want him to have someone now, and when he gets older and has a family one day…I want him to be able to come up to me anytime and ask me what ever it is…whatever it is…”Dad I am sorry man I made a mistake and I stole this shirt…”…no matter what it is…having him grow up to do the right thing and feel good about himself is important to me. Confident, responsible and passionate about life and the people and things that live in it…it sounds like a lot what I am asking, but if I could get just a small percent of the goodness I wish for him…maybe he will be a good person, not just to himself, but for his family, friends, colleagues and the community…”Teach him only the good things about me and none of my bad habits”.

Right now whenever I or his mother asks him to do something, like homework, practice piano or clean his room…he just mumbles under his breath, shrugs his shoulders and stomps off to do it…and I really don’t want him to do things with a bad feeling or angry…because then he will do them wrong or I feel he will associate the thing we asked him to do with something bad and I really don’t want that. So I have tried to talk to him, explain things, asked him what he feels inside when we ask him to do things…and he could never tell us…I know…I know he is only 7, but if you met him…you would agree that he is a smart kid. I don’t know…I feel that I am running out of ideas or solutions...well that’s my post for today and the topic…I am sure there are many parents out there in the same situation.

My Perspective:
Well, I have been told by parents and other single people that I should let him be and that we as parents only need to set an example, and listen. Well, I disagree….I don’t know why…but I didn’t have my father around and I didn’t like…ok…well…better said I didn’t have a father figure around when I was growing up. I feel that we should try and teach our kids to be confident, independent, and good person in society. I feel that we should give them the tools they will need to move ahead on the right path….ok I know many of us can’t afford giving our kids piano lessons, or karate lessons or even put them into a sport camp or pay for school functions…yah…I know that…I live it.

You see I have to work extra hard to raise an extra 80 dollars for his piano lessons…or give up something I enjoy…to scrap up 200 dollars to sign him up for a season of sport…it takes sacrifice on our part as parents, but when I see him playing the piano beautifully and the teacher is amazed on his progress or when I see his eyes light up when he put on his gear and goes out to play…it no longer becomes a sacrifice…I feel that our sacrifice will guide him on the right path. Yah I have seen kids go opposite when all there childhood they had loving, giving parents and all it took was one bad crowd to guide your child on another path and then all that work and sacrifice we did as parents is thrown out the window…but is that a chance we take.

I feel that I am loosing…I feel that I am headed in the wrong direction…I know he is only 7, but I feel that I need to catch it now and hope to correct the issue or trouble he might have hidden inside him…maybe its nothing and only a stage, but what is a father to do.

Thanks for reading and I hope to see some feedback or suggestions…until next time hang in there.