Married – Living Separately
You know I wanted to touch on this subject, and while doing some research…you know…looking around the internet at forums, tweets, etc, I come to find out that this is a norm, I mean even back when my parents were around, the thing is that back then no body knew your business or they didn’t have Face Book or Tweeter…to share your stuff.
The thing is that marriage is so different, I mean well…since people are more open about their marriage you start finding out things about what couples go through within their marriage, the good and the bad. The thing that drives me crazy is that even though we know these things happen in marriages, it seems that individuals don’t really try and make certain it doesn’t happen to their marriage. What I am talking  about is the whole intimacy and closes couples had before they got married…remember you would talk on the phone for hours, hold hands while walking down the street and well talk. Nowadays after getting married that all goes out the window…maybe not right away, but it eventually does. Couples stop talking because of kids, their busy schedule, etc. and the relationship becomes more of just being Roommates. You say hello on your way out the door or when you go to a birthday party. I remember asking a couple that had been married for 25 years what their secret was, you know what they both said, without missing a beat, they sleep in separate rooms…go figure.
So why has marriage come to this? Why is there a need to sleep in separate rooms? Why would you prefer to use the guest bathroom, what happen to those intimate showers, the laughter, the glass of wine or beer while talking about…who knows what you talked about…you just did. I mean it probably has been like this for as long as anyone would care to talk about, but why do we allow it to get to that point. I mean I think there has to be something that would allow either the Man or Woman to stay attracted to one another. Because beside been finances one of the major issues in a marriage, so is intimacy. So, for finances I will talk about that in a minute, but for the intimacy, as adults, which I hope we are, we should be able to focus on each other and what attracts us to one another, then make sure to point those things out to each other and then make the necessary adjustments. Now, wait, when you point those things out the person that delivers needs to make certain to do so appropriately, and the person receiving the suggestion should take it as exactly that a suggestion that will keep your marriage flaring…both need to work together.

Now, let me give my opinion about finances and marriage, ok, since I was a kid and now in 2011, married couples have had there own separate bank accounts, why, simple, as long as the bills, are paid, the children are taken care and you have money for retirement, then if each one has a separate account to buy other items, maybe due their hair, buy that new power drill whatever the case may be, I think there is nothing wrong with it. The problems start when bills start falling short, there is no savings towards retirement, and when there is no unity in the finances…then of course there begins to be doubt and with doubt…grows anger…which can lead to discontent, divorce or separation.
I think it is healthy to each have a bank account, it allows for independence, a sense of individuality, something that now-a-days makes people feel empowered. So, I still think that intimacy is a HUGE issue in married couples, and no just because I am a guy I am stating this, I have actually heard this from girl-friends, sister-n-laws and well doing a little research on the net, women have wonder why their man find the need for him to go else where. So it’s not my deal, but I believe it is a very important part of marriage, well a healthy marriage.
So I ask, why does that happen…when does that lust go away…you heard of the 7-year itch, well not sure if you have heard but that is not a 5-year itch can you believe that  does marriage have less of a chance to make it during the first 5 years. I know that they said making it through your first year usually is a great sign, but well, yah that first year can be hell, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have a happy marriage…and it could become a “Roommate” style marriage.
My Perspective:
Communication as I have always said is importantly in a marriage or even a couple. Yah you can try and talk to your significant other, but that doesn’t mean they will listen or maybe they will listen but they really won’t do anything about it. So you’re right back at where you started. But if you at least give it a try, then you can move on and dissolve the marriage and at least you’ll know you tried and of course eventually you will find one person that wants what you want and you’ll make it work out. Don’t sleep in separate rooms, don’t separate your lives because only discontent will grow in its place and you’ll be miserable, which will show in your life, work and friends. Communicate, or try at least…everyone’s life has enough to deal with…without having to be miserable. Till next time, thanks for reading, listening and hope to see some comments, but for now, take care, talk and if that doesn’t work move on…life is precious and I am sure we all have enough headaches with our everyday lives to have to come home to one more.

The Big “D” –

Ok so…this is an interesting topic and for the most part these never turn out ok. I have heard a MANY times these just spring up out of anger and frustration and never turn out good for anyone involved and for the most part…the children that are caught in between. It’s one of those thing s that you wish you could have seeing coming and either tried to fix the problem…which most of the time they everyone involved knows…or try to avoid any unfortunate name calling, yelling or court orders. I am just so surprised that we as individuals have progressed through time and evolved into skyscraping builders and outer space travelers and have seen so may of the exact same cases between married couples and yet when the signs are so obvious we ignore them…why….why do we do that and let it turn into chaos down the road.

You know it really bugs me…when you hear and obviously see the many…many young couples or better said newly dating couples holding hands, going out to dinner, sharing kisses, gentle touches and the conversation…well…come on…don’t you remember the long night on the phone or sitting on the front porch or steps and just talking about everything and anything. Mean…I recall talking about pillows one time….so why is it that all that goes away after marriage or maybe after a very long relationship….huh…how come?

Why is that when you talk to couples having marriage problems its always the same issues…and yet many go out and get counseling…and yet the counselors already know what the issues are and probably deal with the same issues over and over again through out the years…and they make a fortune on our misery and exact married problem issues that the neighbor had….huh…why is that. You know a family member going through it, you know friend going through it, or a friend of a friend or a family of a friend, or cousin or great uncle…come on the list goes on and seriously ask them what were the issue…but listen to both sides and believe me when I say each man and woman will give you the same answer…then you sit and chat with your girlfriends and friends about it…but when the signs are there for your relationship…you ignore it…why is that…you know its true and we all do it...why…because the statistic show and have proven time and time again that the marital problems between couples are always the same issues.

That drives me CRAZY…because…ok…well...I’ll calm down…every situation is different but the cause of the issues…no matter what people say…they are always the same thing. Ok…maybe there are few case…and very rare instances…where couples just simply divorce and move on as friends, but those are far and few. Ok, so…lets assume…bad choice of word…but for the sake of this topic…you realize in your relationship that things aren’t the same anymore…the things you both did no longer happen and there seems to be distance starting to build between the two of you…so…you begin the process and try to salvage the marriage or relationship…but everything you try doesn’t seems to be working and you get to a point, whether its several months or several years, where you just had enough and you try to get out in a good manner…but things happen that delay you moving out or filing the papers, for instance loss of a job…you could really afford to place a deposit and first months rent on a place or file the papers for that matter…so you bite a knuckle and hold out for a bit longer…you find a job…so you start saving again…and then decide to move on…but then bam…your car breaks down…now for the sake of the scenario…you don’t have family nearby to go to and of course moving in with a friend is ok for a while…but eventually they would like to start receiving money…so that’s not an options…once again you have to bite your knuckle and hold off…I know…people have a tendency to make excuses…but just say these things are legitimate…ok…so you work on resolving the issue and hope to move on with your life as soon as you can…I know…things could happen and maybe you want to leave everyone involved ok…feeling closure…and if kids are involved…that makes a whole different set of other issues…so time seems to drag while you feel trapped in this relations…but maybe its not so much of a trap since you know what the outcome is…its just that that door…that path to that exit is filled with obstacles, turns, twists and well everything and the kitchen sink…but you know…you’ll get there and when its all said and done…you will be happy you did it the way you did…because your concern will make everyone’s life easier…now if there aren’t any kids involved…yah it’s ok to try, but DANG…move on…there is someone out there for everyone…someone will appreciate the person you are and the life you both share will lead to a fulfilling life…with growth and lots of love…from the very first day you stay up all night talking about everything and anything to the day you both grow old and are helping each other walk, climb, sit, clean…yah…it is real…you just have to want it.

Now the whole divorce thing is frowned upon by many religions, beliefs and societies in our world…but you know….just as marriage and the union of two people…we also always say that people deserve a second chance…so why not at marriage…yah…some go to the extreme of third and fourth and more marriages…and to me…that’s a bit too much…just be with the person and live with them…I don’t know…but if you met someone and they seems to be the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with…but then it all changed afterwards….then you deserve what you were promised…why not…if you both can’t give it to each other anymore…then move on…I am sure you both will find that person…so Divorce shouldn’t be a bad thing…it should be looked at as a “second chance” or “get out of Jail” card…yah.

You know its funny…but we all do it…we like to make ourselves out to someone we really are not just to win the heart of the other…ok…some take it to an extreme…but we all lie a little about who we really are while you are dating…a little but we do it. So, when that happens and lets say you like hamburgers…but you really don’t…so you eat one and then you married the guy/gal…then when he/she ,makes his/her famous hamburger…you say no thank you…so why lie about things that will eventually come back and bite you in the butt…huh…why? Why not be who you are from the start…don’t be afraid…someone will like the person you are and believe me….if you could be the person you are for the rest of your life with that person…you’ll both be happier.

My perspective:

I don’t want to overwhelm you…wonderful readers…so I’ll cut my venting and wish all of you a Happy week coming up and hope that your relationship is exactly what you want not for him/her, but for you.

Thanks for reading and until next time.

What Should I Do?

Welcome to another of my posts and as always I truly appreciate you stopping by to read them. But please don’t be shy and leave a comment or feedback...maybe there is a topic you would like for me to cover…let me know and I will cover it to the best of my abilities.

So, here is today’s post topic,

“What Should I do if My Relationship is Not Working?”

Now, this is an incredible topic and I am still amazed that SO many people stay in bad relationships. Ok, I understand that there may be different circumstances and that ok…yah I don’t know you attitude sets in, but please why would you seriously put yourself through such unhappiness…why. Ok, now maybe some situations are not as bad as others, case proven, and maybe there is an agreement between the couple and staying together is for the better of the situation, kids are involved or maybe financial. The thing is I think those need to step back and evaluate there situation and ask themselves is this really necessary…some will probably answer yes, but before you do, make sure that you are not being abused physically or mentally…please…that’s not worth anything.

Now people every where are in bad relationships, whether it is an abusive one or one where the love is no longer there. You know it is possible for people to fall out of love…really…that’s a real thing. So if you are in that situation, then before it gets any worse…move on. Some are in those relationships where children are involved and a possible separation could scar the children so there needs to be an understanding between the two of you on working out a plan that will eventually lead to a clean separation and the children are not affected…at least not as much as a all out war. But each couple that maybe going through hard times…they need to all step back and evaluate the relationship…either work it out or go your separate ways.
There are 6, 773,540,914 people in the world and 306,222,923 people in the US...there is someone out there that will love you for you and care about you and not want to hurt you emotionally or physically…it starts with you and like I always say…communication is the key ingredient.

I can’t lay out all the possible scenarios, because I will miss one or two or three, so my only suggestion is to think it through.

My Perspective:
Each couple or relationship is different…I…understand, but I honestly there is no need to go through life suffering. Step back and evaluate your relationship…talk…get help…if everything else fails…move on. Only example I can give is this…and I ain’t one to preach because I am guilty of not following my own advise sometimes…hey I don’t follow the advice of others for that matter, but…say you have been married 10+ years and you have 2 children…and you both just don’t have that passion, love might be there, but its not the same love. You both realize that your separation will definitely affect the children or maybe just one…the older one. You have tried talking, asked for counseling, sacrificed your own needs and wants, but your other half just won’t do their part…and it only seems to be getting worse…the children…the children. I guess it would be time to talk it out…and hopefully both come to an agreement of the best possible solution to go your separate ways, but see what can be done to lessen the affect to the children. You both love your kids dearly, but your happiness or lack of…will be seeing by your children. Come on…when your child asks why you don’t kiss daddy or mommy…you know they notice something different. Or why is mommy or daddy always mad…another indication of an unhappy relationship. No, don’t let your kids piece together what they think…catch it before it gets worse.

I appreciate you reading this post…I would like to see your comments…till next time, “love yourself first”.