You know I wanted to touch on this subject, and while doing some research…you know…looking around the internet at forums, tweets, etc, I come to find out that this is a norm, I mean even back when my parents were around, the thing is that back then no body knew your business or they didn’t have Face Book or Tweeter…to share your stuff.
The thing is that marriage is so different, I mean well…since people are more open about their marriage you start finding out things about what couples go through within their marriage, the good and the bad. The thing that drives me crazy is that even though we know these things happen in marriages, it seems that individuals don’t really try and make certain it doesn’t happen to their marriage. What I am talking about is the whole intimacy and closes couples had before they got married…remember you would talk on the phone for hours, hold hands while walking down the street and well talk. Nowadays after getting married that all goes out the window…maybe not right away, but it eventually does. Couples stop talking because of kids, their busy schedule, etc. and the relationship becomes more of just being Roommates. You say hello on your way out the door or when you go to a birthday party. I remember asking a couple that had been married for 25 years what their secret was, you know what they both said, without missing a beat, they sleep in separate rooms…go figure.
So why has marriage come to this? Why is there a need to sleep in separate rooms? Why would you prefer to use the guest bathroom, what happen to those intimate showers, the laughter, the glass of wine or beer while talking about…who knows what you talked about…you just did. I mean it probably has been like this for as long as anyone would care to talk about, but why do we allow it to get to that point. I mean I think there has to be something that would allow either the Man or Woman to stay attracted to one another. Because beside been finances one of the major issues in a marriage, so is intimacy. So, for finances I will talk about that in a minute, but for the intimacy, as adults, which I hope we are, we should be able to focus on each other and what attracts us to one another, then make sure to point those things out to each other and then make the necessary adjustments. Now, wait, when you point those things out the person that delivers needs to make certain to do so appropriately, and the person receiving the suggestion should take it as exactly that a suggestion that will keep your marriage flaring…both need to work together.
Now, let me give my opinion about finances and marriage, ok, since I was a kid and now in 2011, married couples have had there own separate bank accounts, why, simple, as long as the bills, are paid, the children are taken care and you have money for retirement, then if each one has a separate account to buy other items, maybe due their hair, buy that new power drill whatever the case may be, I think there is nothing wrong with it. The problems start when bills start falling short, there is no savings towards retirement, and when there is no unity in the finances…then of course there begins to be doubt and with doubt…grows anger…which can lead to discontent, divorce or separation.
I think it is healthy to each have a bank account, it allows for independence, a sense of individuality, something that now-a-days makes people feel empowered. So, I still think that intimacy is a HUGE issue in married couples, and no just because I am a guy I am stating this, I have actually heard this from girl-friends, sister-n-laws and well doing a little research on the net, women have wonder why their man find the need for him to go else where. So it’s not my deal, but I believe it is a very important part of marriage, well a healthy marriage.
So I ask, why does that happen…when does that lust go away…you heard of the 7-year itch, well not sure if you have heard but that is not a 5-year itch can you believe that does marriage have less of a chance to make it during the first 5 years. I know that they said making it through your first year usually is a great sign, but well, yah that first year can be hell, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have a happy marriage…and it could become a “Roommate” style marriage.
My Perspective:
Communication as I have always said is importantly in a marriage or even a couple. Yah you can try and talk to your significant other, but that doesn’t mean they will listen or maybe they will listen but they really won’t do anything about it. So you’re right back at where you started. But if you at least give it a try, then you can move on and dissolve the marriage and at least you’ll know you tried and of course eventually you will find one person that wants what you want and you’ll make it work out. Don’t sleep in separate rooms, don’t separate your lives because only discontent will grow in its place and you’ll be miserable, which will show in your life, work and friends. Communicate, or try at least…everyone’s life has enough to deal with…without having to be miserable. Till next time, thanks for reading, listening and hope to see some comments, but for now, take care, talk and if that doesn’t work move on…life is precious and I am sure we all have enough headaches with our everyday lives to have to come home to one more.
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