Reality Check

So have you ever had an argument with a significant other that just totally made you have a HUGE reality Check? I mean when that happens, it begins a whole avalanche of thoughts that run through your mind, things begin making sense, why this happened,  why this person acts this way, and well I could not list everything that we would each go through.

The thing is you begin connecting the dots, and tell yourself, “Ahh, now I know why he/she never wanted to be intimate”. I mean, I hate to use that as an example, but I am a guy and well heck that’s the first thing that came to mind…yah..yah…I stink, but there are a whole lot of other things that came crashing through. Anyhow, so you get this reality check and not sure how some people would handle it, maybe some would loose it, yell, rave and ramp or maybe some will simply come to a peace of mind, calm sensation, which is what happen to me.

I finally realize why all those things were happening or why they weren’t and a sort of calmness washed over me and I simply said “OH”. So you ask yourself what do “I” do at that point; because yelling and arguing, seriously never ever help the situation. So, At that point you make a decision to move on and not linger with it, because there are something you can change or try, but we all try not to change the person we love, because we love them as they are with all their flaws, bad habits, etc, there are some things that none of should go through and should tried to be changed or simply we need to walk away. But that was not the case here, the thing is that when things or conversations happen like that and you finally realize that dam…what the heck…I mean I know for some it could mean 10, 15 or more years that were put into the relationship, and yah some of us have children in between, and I mean young children,  but does that mean that you as a person should have to continue living like that?

I think not, it might hurt like HELL, but you know that old saying, “Time heals Everything”. Well do it not just for you, but it should be the main reason, but for any kids that there may be…heck they see the turmoil between father and mother and it is not a good thing for them to see. Most importantly it’s for your own health and the health of the other partner. I know it all sounds easy on paper or on your screen, but when it comes down to it…and wait, with today’s economy many can afford to live and provide child support, or spousal support. I have even read articles about couples that have been divorced for a few years, but do to the economy or one of the parents loosing their job, they end up living together in the mean-time while things get better…like roommates; sounds crazy I know, but the variable are amazing.

You ever wonder why some marriages just walk away or almost kill each other, and bitter for years and years, how they do it…it becomes this monkey on each others back. And the horrible thing is that most of the time and it is a statistic, marriage or couples split do to financial reasons. And bitter divorces continue do to financial reasons. It makes you wonder why people even get married, unless you have a paid off house, lots of money in the bank, retirement money ready and waiting for you both, college money ready and waiting for any kids that come and most importantly making sure you sewed your oats way before you get married so that is out of the way…then, maybe then you get married. That still does not guarantee a successful marriage...wow.

Reality Checks, decisions, concerns, relationships, couples, finances and intimacy…it is more complicated that a Swiss Watch…yet we never seem to learn. What works, secrets, you know…what could it be that one ingredient…I have heard so many things, but they don’t all work for everyone….each person is so unique and trying to find that thing that keeps both of you connected for the long years ahead…is just not as simple as we would like to think.

My thing is that, why does it take something as bad as things cold get in order for a person to finally realize that it is wrong or not working? Why can’t we see things as they come to us, try to make them work and fix them of possible right then and there or move on? I know once again so many variables come into play and people are different so things never seem to work out the way most of us would like to But one thing is for sure, there are always signs, they might be small, sometimes they are huge, but there are always signs…the first thing you should not do is DENY them…you need to approach them as they come to you or they will end up becoming HUGE and non-correctable. Denial seems to be the first thing with anything that doesn’t go your way to be the one things that gets in the way…so get past “Denial” and maybe you can get moving on with your life.

My Perspective:

Relationships are more complex than a Swiss watch, or better said Rocket Science is possibly easier to understand than relationships, but that doesn’t mean that you should give up…may be move on. But one thing…to remember, get past “Denial” and the next steps should be right there.

Thanks for reading, till next time stay safe, and sane – Latino Man signing Off.

Picking Your Battles

You know I guess this topic isn’t anything new, I am sure it’s been posted and even talked about in conversations. But, I realized the other day that after several occurrences or crazy things that have happened over the past several month have build up to one final incident…bringing to realize that dam…there are some things in life, well in our everyday life that we simply cannot change; And it isn’t one of those things where people say, “I am stuck between a rock and a hard place”, because it isn’t that at all.

I could seriously start from the beginning, but that would go as far back as nearly 3 years ago and it would seriously be a lot of repeat content, but mostly things that I am sure others are going through…anyhow. My thing is after a discussion with my someone I had…it all hit me like a brick. Now, I think it was all those little things that were building up and I just was ignoring…well…all it took was one more thing and BAM, it all came tumbling down at once. And you know this is something that we do with pretty much everything in our lives…I think we see and hear those little nagging things and we simply ignore them hoping they will go away, but eventually, maybe a week later or maybe 10 years later…it all hits you at once.

The thing is why, is it that we as humans prefer to go through all these things and not listen to our parents….I mean I am sure there are parents out there that want to teach their kids about things…and what to avoid and so on…but they simply don’t listen and well…struggle through life. It isn’t after they get married, have kids and live a while…that they realized that, “Dam why didn’t I listen to my parents?” I don’t get it, but it will never change…it is a part of our evolutions, our cycle of life...and it seems it can’t be broken…now there might e a few that get out and move ahead, write books, become famous and yet even with that…kids never listen.

So, back to my case, or issue or reason for this post, you see. Like any parent we try to teach our kids, we try and explain, provide the tools for them to become better people. Of course with that, comes some yelling, some grounding, or taking away of privileges or other things, but I come to realize that it simply doesn’t work…nothing does. You yell, you ask, you ground and they might do it for a day or might listen to you for that one time…that someone offers them a cigarette or alcohol…but then they simply break down…of course with the help of their peers…those kids that you wished your kids never met...but they do. And in the meantime…your blood pressure, your cholesterol your health begins to dwindle away…and your golden years become the “Black” years…nothing really to look forward to except health issues, money issues and more than likely relationship issues.

So, after getting hit with this HUGE reality check, since I was told that by a realistic person…a person that doesn’t dream, because dreams don’t pay the bills or buy $500 dollar shoes…opps…sorry…but after that reality check…my body felt as if a weight was lifted…I didn’t care anymore…now wait…I care about my children, their education, their well being and most importantly that they are successful, but I can’t force something onto any one, adult or child something they simply don’t want, but I can show them the good things that will come with hard work, getting an education, keeping healthy…as compared to not doing any of those things…you can show them. The thing is then you begin to pick the battles, the things that have a very good chance to be changed.

Such as having your child keep their room clean…nope, don’t bother, don’t get upset, but every once in a while ask them to clean their room in a firm voice…that’s all…but if 90% of the time their room is dirty…so be it. Your friend, sister-n-law, or whom ever…has issues with men or women, but you know it is them with the problem…you can’t change them, don’t get upset, yes you love them but is your health really something you can put in front of those with problems they simply don’t want to change…you can’t change them, but you can simply listen…but don’t worry…something you simply can’t change…let it go.

You have people that are dreamers and are always looking for that opportunity to get financial secured, you might know someone, but just because you believe or think that things are impossible, doesn’t mean that it cannot be accomplished and if that individuals is a dreamer…so be it…why in the world would you want o have health issues or get upset or anything if you can’t change them…yah you love them and you don’t want them to blow their inheritance, but you can listen and provide some advice…but don’t get upset, let it go.

If you actually sit down at a table and layout all the things that bring stress, anger, or other negative feelings…you will see that most of them are simply things you cannot change and if you approach them as though they are what they are and don’t let them get to you…you will be able to reduce the list or things to a few things that then you can concentrate on working them out.

The thing sis, that we are all aware of this old saying, but it is so true when you think about it, “Pick Your Battles”. And you will see a better you….which is what is important here…”YOU”, because if you think about it, how many people count on you and if anything happens to you…how many people will it affect…they need you around…so my suggestion here is…get some alone time, write out all the things that make you tense, angry, stressed and so one and begin choosing those that you simply cannot change, they are not life threatening and cross it off. Before you know it, the list will be manageable and “Your” health will be yours.

I am probably preaching…but with such a hit to my self-worth or self…I thought heck let me share.

My Perspective:
If you have dreams, keep them alive…but of course make sure you research what you want to do before going in head-over-heals…and loose your shirt. It’s ok to take some advice from others, but if they become negative remarks, ask them kindly to with-hold their comments…if they care about you…they will understand, but no one and I mean no one should bring down your dreams, you aspirations…or whatever you personally feel is important to you. Believe me you will have many, many reality checks through out your life…and some will be small and some will be HUGE, life changing…just remember with everything that is going on around us…don’t take on the little things in life…believe me, you will eventually understand why I am saying that, but why not take the advice now so you don’t wreck your health now…only saying.

I know, we all want to learn on our own, we want to be first time parents, first time this and that, but if you had someone that went through the same thing or path…come on there is nothing wrong with just listening to the advice they might have…something out of it might feel right and work for you…but never allow someone to put you down on your dreams…if they don’t like them then don’t share it with them…there are others that will more than likely feel enthusiastic about them as much as you…but always research…always research before jumping into anything.

Thanks for reading, till next time Latino Man signing off.

Who Starts the Fights in Your House?

Welcome back to another post. I know…I know it’s been some time since I have posted, but I am here now and I have an interesting topic. I was at the store picking up some things and I over heard…hey…when you have a blog you need to keep an ear out for any interesting topics…lol. Ok so I heard these two ladies talking about their husbands and the arguments they are always in…well one of them said something interesting…she asked the other, “So who starts the fights in your House?”. I was intrigue because now a days you always hear about the arguments between couples and its is becoming more and more common in relationships. So, me having a blog and wanting to hear what the average population thinks about this I went about and asked. So, here is the question:

“Who starts the fights in your house?”

Now, this was interesting, but all but 1 of the women I asked said they start the fights…they giggled a bit…actually they all did when they said it. Now as for the men, all except one, again, said their wife, girlfriend start the fights. I was surprised. So I went about telling some folks what I found out and the people I told started thinking and once again all the women, in this series, said they start the fights and it made them think…once they finished thinking…again they giggled. I was surprised to the results and most importantly the honesty…it was a very interesting topic and results.

So I ask you, “Who starts the fight in your house?”

My Perspective:
Ok so I stood back and started thinking about my fights or better said arguments in my household and sure enough…most of them were started by my significant other…hmm. I am not saying that I didn’t start a few, but the majority of them were started by my significant other…very interesting. I brought this to my dearest and she started giggling, get that response from most of the women, and she agreed…I was TOTALLY surprised on her response…because that’s the first time she has ever agreed on something…lol. So what do I think, well most of these fights or better said arguments I believe could be handled or resolved with no need to argue/yell….because all that does is bring up lingering past issues and that could lead to a whole other fight. My perspective…talk….communicate, I think with some inter changing of a civilized conversation it could get resolved…yah…yah…I know…talking in you house or anyone’s house…nope…it all ends up being a huge yelling fest…go figure.

By the way, there is no need to register if you would like to leave a comment…I believe I set my blog that way, so give it a shot…leave a comment…come back again and see what others had to say.

Thanks for reading and I hope to see some comments, till next.