Bad Relationships -

So, I have a pet peeve…I guess and I wanted to get it out, maybe someone is going through this or maybe someone will realize that any information or thoughts mentioned herein…will help someone out. Anyhow, ok so my thing is relationships…ok. I probably touch on this topic a lot and maybe sometimes it may sound like a broken record…yap…yap…yap. Ok, so you may say, but you know I’m not alone and with today’s Twitter, Face Book, MySpace and the hundreds of Social networks…people now can get their thoughts out into the masses. The only thing that stinks is that you will always have some hacker out there trying to break into these sites, and run havoc on people…why…probably because they can…who knows, but any how, back to relationships.
I recently wrote an entry related to my sister-n-law and her situation on her marriage and it has stuck to me. I mean I can’t get it out of my mind why in the world anyone would want to go back to that kind of life. Now, I will not recap the story, please feel free to read the entry in its entirety posted on September 22, 2010. Anyhow, so, the thing is why are there men and women out there, since probably the beginning of time accepting this. When I was a kid, I heard the same stories, as I grew up and was involved in relationships I heard the same stories, of abusive boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. As I got older and out of high school things didn’t get any better…they were the same, whether you lived in the hood or in the Hamptons…it was the same story. Now that I am older, I think, why if we are incredible creatures that can adapt to almost every environment, have landed on the moon, have gone deep into the water, climbed incredible mountains, built incredible structures…science…technology…so why with everything we are capable of doing to we continue to fall into those kinds of relationships…why do they exist?

Seriously…I have had heard every and all the excuses you can imagine…from you don’t now what my life is about to…I love him or her and everything in between and outside and beyond, but what makes it still in existence….why do we fall prey to those kinds of situations. But that’s the ½ of it…what gets to me is that there are actually good people out there really wanting to work at a relationship, that will make it as though they just first met…every day will be like the first time they met…love, laughter, communication and well…come one…that great stuff you both turned over in bed and said WOW…that was amazing…can I get seconds. I mean making love isn’t just about screwing, its about the feeling you have when you caress the person, or kiss their neck and pass your hands over they body; it’s the kissing, the playful smile, the closeness you feel all over when you are butt naked and close to one another. The sensation is one that you both always remembered, but some how lost…with the kids and careers. I mean relationships…everyone talks about it being a job, that you both have to work at it to make it work…a JOB…are you serious, that should be the last thing it should be. It should be something that is as natural as flowing water. There should be no work involved…you should be excited in seeing your partner inn life…everyday you should wake up with a smile, not only because you are alive…but that someone is right next to you…sharing your happiness, your dreams and you.

I mean when did it begin to bother you or him that you gained some pounds or got a little hairier or crows’ feet started appearing…or even your boobs sagging…or his balls sagging…when did that become a problem. Don’t you remember the long showers you took together…come on did you really have time to expect your partner…NO…you were to busy enticed with the softness of her body or the strength of his chest and arms…the kissing the sound of the water pouring out…it never bothered you before…so why now.

People get married because they found a partner, someone that makes them complete…yah I said complete…you know why…because if there were only men or women on this planet…believe me…sooner or later there would be extinction…and no I am not talking about gays or lesbians…I am talking about two creatures that when together create life, not only children…but life together…if you know what I mean. That’s why people get married, it’s the bond, the feeling of accomplishment, the feeling of being scared of what the future will hold for both of you…you both share in that dream, that feeling…that’s why you become complete. I don’t believe that people bring in another human being solely to follow in all the badness that is around us…we have off springs because it is a reflection of the love you both have and that child will not only feel the love of the parents but is there to learn to be a BETTER person, contributor to society, to your family tree…you want people to get better…not worse. Yah we all have are ups and downs and everyone can come to me with an excuse…but you know…that’s exactly what they are excuses…because deep inside every one of us…we love the feel of freedom, happiness and love. That’[s what we are meant to do…that’s what we should do and do it.

I don’t know…I see this happening all around me, and sometimes I see my relationship and wonder what happen…I don’t want a job…we should solely be together…happy…as one…work is left outside not in a relationship…it shouldn’t take work.

My Perspective:
I am saddened by the things I hear, and see. Why such beautiful people revert back to living a hell of a life…and the excuses and comments from those that tell me I don’t have a clue…well…I do…and I just think they don’t. So, please step back from an abusive relationship and seriously think about yourself and what you really want…I can tell you this much….it will have happiness somewhere in there.

Thanks for reading Latino Man Signing Off.

 

Friends with Benefits - Your "Get out of monogamy free" card?
By: Kate McGovern

Of all the pop culture representations of “friends with benefits,” Monica and Chandler might have made it look the easiest. On “Friends,” those two hopped into bed after years of platonic buddy-hood, briefly kept it casual, and then lived happily ever after. Research shows that this is unlikely in real life—off-screen, only about 10% of friends with benefits (FWB) turn into lasting romances. And anyway, since sex-with-no-commitment is what appeals to a majority of FWB participants, the Monica/Chandler resolution might be more nightmare than dream come true. For undergraduates and twenty-somethings, habitually strapped for time and money, the absence of dating as a prerequisite to sex sounds ideal. Sure enough, the friends with benefits relationship has become ubiquitous, especially on college campuses—but when it comes to sleeping with a pal, the morning after is rarely as straightforward as the night before.

If you haven’t done it yourself, you probably know someone who has. The odds a college student has ever had a friend with benefits are 1 in 2, with men more likely than women to report such arrangements. Among male undergraduates, the odds are 1 in 1.57 (about 64%), while for women, the number is 1 in 1.99. The rationale behind acquiring friends with benefits is rather unsurprising. Melissa Bisson and Timothy Levine, who conducted a study of FWB relationships at Michigan State, found that sexual involvement with a friend was viewed as safe and convenient. There’s also the comfort factor: many young people prefer to have sex with a person they know and trust, rather than that cute stranger at the bar. So an FWB situation is a happy medium between an actual romantic commitment and a casual hook up.

Isn’t it? Possibly not, says sex educator Yvonne K. Fulbright. Fulbright argues that a big problem with friends with benefits is that communication within the friendship itself breaks down. Bisson and Levine, too, found that about half of all FWB participants at Michigan State reported uncertainty about the relationship, and a majority of these said that those concerns were not addressed.

There is also the risk of one person developing more intense feelings for the other—the omnipresent threat of “wanting more.” Popular wisdom suggests that this is the biggest pitfall of friends with benefits, and indeed, about 81% of the respondents in the Michigan State study cited the development of romantic feelings as a key disadvantage.

Someone might get jealous, too. Even though there’s no official commitment, it can be hard to see the person you’re sleeping with flirting with someone else. The odds an undergraduate describes him- or herself as a jealous person are 1 in 1.79 (about 56%), and a large-scale study published in the College Student Journal found that students who described themselves as jealous were more likely to have friends with benefits than those who did not. While this might seem contradictory, perhaps it reflects a tendency for jealousy-inclined young people to avoid the challenges of committed relationships—or maybe the FWB precedes the jealous feelings, with the peculiar dynamic of a sexually involved friendship drawing out the green-eyed monster.

Either way, the research (and common sense) suggests that the friends with benefits scenario has its own risks. In the end, one in four FWB relationships ends with both the friendship and the sex broken off, and a third call off the sex—presumably when things get complicated—but manage to salvage the friendship. So sure, you can buy a t-shirt promoting friends with benefits, or find rules of the game online, but once you’ve hopped into bed with a friend, getting out can be much more challenging.

My Perspective:
I'm a bit scared to send my kids off to college...geez. I could say more, but I best keep my comments to myself...by the way...where canI get a shirt like that...LOL.

Thanks for reading, till next time Latino Man signing off.