Loving the Husband More Than the Kids is Key to Good Life
By The Stir Parenting – Fri, Nov 25, 2011 9:06 AM EST

I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad. "It's a different kind of love," she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, "Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?" Since when, indeed.

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Blogger Joanna Goddard addresses this in her blog and the result is very interesting. She spoke of a conversation she and a friend had after her friend saw writer Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity, a book about sex within a marriage (and after having kids). Goddard says:

Perel believes that there's a badge of honor among American women to not prioritize yourself or your marriage: It's all about the children. Without realizing it, she said, women can end up getting their emotional intimacy and physical satisfaction from their children, instead of their partners, said Perel. They give their babies tons of wonderful affection -- and then don't have anything left over for their spouse. The marriage can become an afterthought.

Um, yep. How many women do we all know like this? It's not their fault. And I don't blame them. But it's a problem. A huge one, in fact.

The fact is, in a family, if mom and dad aren't happy, ain't nobody else happy either. The marriage should be prioritized higher than anything else.

I see it in my own family all the time. When my husband and I are happy and loving with one another, our children are happy and loving with us. They want to get in between us and cuddle and they are much calmer. After all, the marriage is the foundation of the family.

Ideally, children are born from the love two people share with one another. They grow under the umbrella of that love and then they find their own loves with whom they will do the same. Romantic love is so different (thanks mom!) than the love I feel for my children. I would die for my kids, jump in front of a train for them, and move mountains to keep them happy. But my love for my husband is different.

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It's burning and passionate and sexual (one would hope!). It gets me through the hard days and sustains me when things feel low. Without him, the rest would fall apart. I know this, he knows this, and we both work very hard to maintain it. It's not easy. My love for my children is much easier and comes more naturally and takes less work.

So in that sense, yes, my marriage is priority number one. It's what made my family and it's what will stay after my kids fly the nest.

My Perspective:
I couldn’t agree more with this article. It is very important for the husband & wife or couple in a family relationship to maintain their love for each other, make themselves the number one priority, because as it mentions…if the husband and wife are not happy no one else will be & it will be the husband and wife that are left behind after the kids fly the coup…so lets work on each other then the kids. I think it will show them a more stable life and the proper way to stay in a relationship.

Thanks for reading and till next time…Latino Man signing off.

Change – Is NOT Possible

I recently posted a topic or topics and some where in there I talked about change and sometimes the need for us to make the change which at times can be really difficult. But as I read through it and the thing s I am going through now I not only at a personal level by a professional level…”Change” is many times not possible. We can change certain things, but many things that go on everyday in our lives…even little things…sometimes cannot be changed.

Now, when you think about it…sometimes we hope for the best and try to change things, well those that we can or we try, but when it comes down to it…if you look back at some of those things you supposedly changed…they some how crept back and you are right back to square one. So, maybe it is noticeable or maybe not…but look around you and there is a good possibility that something you might have worked on changing…could be right back in your life.

Now, I am not trying to be negative here ok…don’t take my post the wrong way…but I wanted to point something out about what I noticed around me…not only personally but professionally. Even at work things that people have meetings on or committees that work through a project, process or whatever it may be…something to improve the bottom line for the company or business…well…I noticed that those 6 months of meetings and possibly tens of thousands of dollars spent on the committee…you know time and salaries of the individuals involved…pretty much seem to be written off. Because the issues or processes ends right back to where it started from…the work that was done…is for nothing.

And that doesn’t go only for work process and projects, etc. it happens in our life, with relationships, raising kids, love, etc…things such as New Year resolutions may get started but end up right back on our shoulders. What I am trying to say about this is that we try and make changes we would like to see done, but it seems that in most cases our efforts and or work seems to be for nothing. So why would anyone of us put ourselves through those kinds of regimens? Couldn’t we just avoid the work or loss of money and time and simply continue with what we were trying to change…because when you think about it…most of won’t make the necessary change unless something horrible happens…because it is then that we make the change because of a loss of a love one or a drastic injury to ourselves…maybe loosing you job and house…will bring about changes in how you control your finances…whatever it maybe …it all comes down to making the change whether it be by your own means or because of a drastic event in your / our lives.

My Perspective:
It’s tough to give my perspective because I could simply say why bother making change…why not wait until something drastically or huge event causes you to make the change without your opinion. Because if you try it just because you want to…it seems never to pan out…or for many of us…it does not pan out or it comes right back. Or you can go ahead and attempt a New Years resolutions and hope that in 6 months or year it doesn’t come back…if that is the case then good luck.

Thanks for reading till next time Latino man signing off.

To Believe or Not Believe – That is the REAL Question

When you are in a relationship, whether it is just starting out or you have been together for many…many years, it seems that there are times in the relationship that have doubts. Now, many people believe that being married changes things and the way you approach each argument, plus if you include any children in the equation that will also determine how you approach the argument.

The thing is what I believe that in any relationship whether you are married or not have children or not, the most important ingredients in the relationship are the 2-people that are in the relationship. You see without having 2 happy people that are the relationship, everyone else is affected. So whether you are always fighting and arguing, the people are around you, including children are affected…if you are happy they are happy if you are angry then it will spill over onto those you love…what good will the relationship be if you are not happy…because eventually you could end up separating…or in some case even worse, do something that will forever change everyone’s lives.

So if all those around you depend on the 2-people making it happen then why not make your relationship with each other - work, make it happy, take time for each other…free time, dates, whatever it takes to have time alone together…never to forget that you – 2 – are the core of the relationship or family. I know times are tough, money is tight, finding someone you trust with your kids is tough…but you know what…it can be done, but most importantly it needs to be done for the health of the relationship and family.

We always start off in love, with life and each other…the thing is that many fall into this daily routine and begin settling in…to the point that you forget why you two are together and why you two want to be together, start a family and retire old…that can never be…so making time for each other whether you are married or not, but in a long relationship need to be at the top of your priority list. Because if it is not, then problems, resentment, health issues, and all sort of issues arise and begin eating away at both of you. The little things becomes a huge issue, no communication, begins to wear on the relationship and it begins to spill out onto your love ones, work, life in general becomes a headache.

You know, after too many arguments and complaints those talks that you both have that seems to finally fix the issues at hand…become like an old broken record. When does either of you begin believing in what the other person says, if the previous 10 times they made empty promises, and you both end back to where you started from…more resentment, pain, loneliness, and anger. Do you or the other person finally say it is enough and decide for the both of you…can anyone of us take that responsibility that could change not only your life, but theirs and possibly any children or other family members that maybe part of the family. Maybe it is a burden that one of the two of you will need to take in order to get out of the unhealthy relationship and move on.

The thing I am trying to talk about here is, when do you stop believing in what your significant other promises or says they will do? Can they really change…I think anyone can change…it’s a matter of them wanting to. Change what you say, well we are all different, and certain things about us makes us whom we are…but other things could have manifested from experience that may not be healthy…those things that are not really part of who you are can be changed, if they want to keep what they have or reach a certain goal.

I don’t think anyone should ask someone else to change, but they can tell them know what they want and it will be up to the other person if they want the same thing(s), then they can decide to change or not. But someone has to make the decision when the two of you continue on the same path; it will be a lot to carry, but it will diminish as time goes by and you will both be better for it…especially any children that maybe in between.

I know it is tough…because not every relationship is the same and not everyone is the same, but we all basically want the same thing, tranquility, love, and happiness…to what extent that may be different. I don’t know I could be talking into the wind, the thing is that decisions, those that are the toughest sometimes need to be met head on.

My Perspective:
I guess this whole article is my perspective. When do you decide that all you are getting is empty promises, is it after 2 times or 3 times or 100 times…what ever you feel is good for you, but there does need to be a limit set and a time for one of you to take the responsibility to – move on.

Thanks for reading, Latino Man signing off.

Moving On



Moving on – such a descriptive combination of words that could pretty much mean anything depending on how you use it. But one of the most common uses is when something bad happens in someone’s life and well the only thing that one can do is move on.

But when does that actually occur, I mean when does a person finally realize that that is that and it is time to move on? People all over the world have difference reasons or situations on when they would simply need to move on, but what does it take for them to make that finally decision? I mean can’t we most of those times, before things get way to crazy; seriously there are many things in our lives that I am pretty certain that there are enough signs to let us know that we need to stop going through what we are going through and allow ourselves to – Move on-.

I know for a fact that I would never be able to cover each and every specific situation that individuals may have, from the death of a love one to the separation of a couple that have been together for sometime, to loosing a job to well…heck loosing your house, car, etc. The thing is that most if not all the things we go through or are going through…someone has gone through it and can provide their insight on how they coped with it. Or we can now just as easily look on the internet to get some support, ideas, heck even Support Groups related to what you may be going through. I know that we all have to go through our own grieving or anger or self pity, yah we need to experience it, but why drag it on and on? Why not experience it a bit, try and make the changes, if possible and if nothing then moves on.

I am astonished at these “Human” patterns, lol…ok…I know I am human too…ok well…but come one hasn’t anyone sat down and actually made of study of this, hmm..maybe so…I will need to look that up…what could it be…ahhh.”Human nature to consistently endure self pain that other have gone through”. Horrible, I will need to work on that. But anyhow the thing is that we like to go through this things that involve, family, love, finance and self that others have gone through yet we don’t bother getting help…I mean there are AAA, sex adictics anonymous, eating disorders, etc support groups out there….yah there are divorce support groups, relationship support groups, but why is there something for those “before” those things happen. I know there is therapy, but 90% of the people don’t like to go through that or is it maybe that they feel they don’t need it…but in fact they do.

I am only saying that, the old saying, “You are not the only one in the world going through that”, so why don’t we learn…yes we can cry, grieve a little but dragging it on and on for a period of time that is ridiculous…does not make sense. One thing is for sure I will do everything I can do teach at an early age my children about that concept…my thoughts and most importantly my experiences…because I know if I could teach them to be better to themselves they will be better to our society...maybe…will it work…I will try.

My Perspective:
Do not let things, grief, sadness, broken hearts drag on and on…there needs to be a point, that you decide to move on…move to that next great thing or experience…because, “If it do4es not kills us, can only make us stronger”. Be kind to yourself, be good to yourself, and everyone around you will be better off.

Thanks for reading, Latino Man singing off till next time.

Same ‘O Same ‘O– Communication

This is an interesting topic and one that still baffles me is the thing about intimacy and communication. Yah we read and hear and people tells us always that “Communication” is an important factor in a relationship and most importantly in the intimacy of the relationship. The thing is that no one really does it or most people really only say it but never follow through.

Now, when you first meet someone people always try and please the other person, and pretty much only worry about there needs, wants and well everything, but they really never think about their own needs, which in fact are important in the relationship because if you are not feeling it, then it will show through and your better half will eventually notice. This will bring, angry, resentment, among other feelings that will or could eventually lead to a breakup. This all could have been resolved with some simply communication – right up front – when you first meet or better said when you first are intimate.

Now, the thing is that we all know that hardly ever happens, meaning that two people communicate about anything, so we end up seeing couples that have been together for years, even decades and they have the same issue…you can tell that neither individual is happy with the relationship but yet they stay together. Does that make us creatures of habit? I think many of us if not all of us, including myself, when we settle in and get comfortable we sort of stay there whether it is bad or good. I don’t know the thing is, maybe there are some individuals that can communicate what they need or want, but I think the majority of us don’t have real good listening skills…or we simply just don’t listen.

So why do we see articles on this and why does every one tell their friends and love ones that listening is important in any relationship and in all aspect of the relationship…yet they don’t follow their own advice. Now with all that said, if there are issues any part of your relationship, seriously, please talk to your partner. Whether it is about money, which we all know it is a very touchy subject and many times could lead to huge fights, but if you can learn to talk about it, maybe you both can come to an agreement. Now if it has to do with household chores, talk about it, if any one of you feels that you are doing more then talk. Another thing that I saw worked is trade chores, between man and women, such as cooking, cleaning, and such as mowing the lawn, pruning the trees, fixing the computer, etc. Sometimes seeing what the other person does will shed a light on the whole chore thing. But you know what the best piece of advice that I can give in regards to household chores or family life…is ask for HELP…simply ask your significant other to do something in particular, you will be amazed that if you ask nicely they will be glad to do it

The whole communication thingy in relationships seems to only work if the two people involved do it together, any other way does not work and will more than likely lead to problems.

But back to the intimacy thingy, which I find to be a very important part of any relationship, because intimacy not only is good sexually, but emotionally it has its affects…it brings people together, if you communicate. And if you think about it, intimacy is when everyone is most vulnerable and usually let go of their inhibitions. So if you want it to be a certain way or you like it a certain way…they tell them. You are just as important or better said you should be satisfied sexually as much as the other person, and believe if you are a women, guys want to make their women happy…and they – we – men - will listen, believe me…we will. So guys and gals, talk, tell each other what you like and it will be great.

Heck…I probably blogged about this same topic a million times, but everyday as I wake up and go to work, go to the gym go to the store or just go out…I see that people never really communicate about anything and nothing ever gets resolved, it saddens me…to see our society go “Texting”, emailing and never physically talking anymore.

My perspective:
Communication has been an essential part of any relationship, lovers, friends, family, and yet it is so hard for anyone of us to do, yet it can seriously fix a lot of personal problems or at least clear them up…so do it. The next time you are intimate with your significant other and there is something she or he is not doing right or maybe they are doing right, let them know. It will be great for you and them and everyone will be happy. Talk don’t yell, breath don’t hyper-ventilate, listen – really listen and say good morning, afternoon or evening instead of texting.

Thanks for reading till next time Latino Man signing off.

Common First Date Fears That You Really Don't Need To Worry About

by HowAboutWe, on Tue Sep 27, 2011 12:13pm PDT by Scott Alden for HowAboutWe.com

1. You’re not good looking enough
Look. I’m not going to lie to you and say that looks aren’t important. You already know that they are, because they’re important to you, right? But you have to remember that looks are very fluid. You rarely see yourself when you’re laughing, when you’re curious, when you’re talking about something you’re really passionate about.

More often than not, you see yourself in the mirror when you’re worried about how you look. Trust me. You look better than that.

2. You don’t know anything about anything
You’re convinced that all your date is going to want to talk about is contemporary art/the implications of Exxon’s recent deal with Russia/indie heist films of the 90s/which hot new startup has a real shot for success/fall fashion trends and you don’t know anything about that stuff.

Well. So what. It’s your date too, and if your date can’t be bothered to find out what you’re interested in, that’s not your fault. Don’t feel like you have to smile and nod all night -- you can just change the subject. Or if you really are interested in what they’re saying, listen and and then ask informed questions. The neuroscientist sitting across from you doesn’t expect you to know already know everything about neuroscience, and may enjoy talking about it to someone who doesn’t get it.

3. You’re awkward
One of the top qualities cited by all genders and sexual orientations as important in a potential mate is confidence. So, fearing that you’ll be penalized for your tendency to stumble over your words and knock over salt shakers isn’t crazy.

Please remember, however, that confidence is not the same as flawlessness. It’s easy to be confident if you’re Mr./Mrs. Smooth, but confidence despite the fact that you’re not the ideal specimen? That’s impressive.

Take for example, say, the President of the United States. He routinely stammers and trips over his words, but still comes across as confident and commanding. The point is -- how you rock what you got is as important as what you got.

4. You’re inexperienced
Maybe you ended a long relationship or a marriage and you haven’t been on a date since The Real World was worth watching. So what? The only mistake you can make is to apologize for your lack of experience.

The best dates are the ones where you’re both able to forget the rules, anyway. So you’ve got an advantage if you don’t know them to begin with.

5. You’re going to get something stuck in your teeth/spill on your shirt/have bad breath/do something else that will traumatize you forever.
First of all, it’s very easy to avoid most of these feared faux pas. Don’t order certain foods, have some breath mints on you, a little bottle of Wine-Away if that’s how you roll.

More importantly, if someone really holds something like spinach in your teeth against you, despite all of your other wonderful qualities, then forget them. A minor dating accident is actually a great litmus test for shallowness. If someone reacts badly to a little thing like that, consider yourself lucky that you found out early.

My Perspective:
It's tough enough to start dating, whether you are new to it or you are back in the game. The thing is most people end up ptting up a front, you know, something they realy aren't because they want to win the person over. So the end thing is the relations is done for. So why not just be yourself, no one else, because it is best for that person whom will possibily love you till the end of your days to love you for whom you are. Don't pretend. Be yourself, act yourself, and of course if you are a comdeian, make sure there is a time and place for it. Balance is important not only for you but for all relationships. But there is no need to preten, because sooner or later, probavly sooner you will be discovered...so why bother...simply enjoy yourself, be yourself and if they like 'YOU' for 'YOU', then it will all turn out great if not, then you move on.

Thanks for reading...till next time Latino Man Signing off.