Loving the Husband More Than the Kids is Key to Good Life
By The Stir Parenting – Fri, Nov 25, 2011 9:06 AM EST

I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad. "It's a different kind of love," she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, "Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?" Since when, indeed.

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Blogger Joanna Goddard addresses this in her blog and the result is very interesting. She spoke of a conversation she and a friend had after her friend saw writer Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity, a book about sex within a marriage (and after having kids). Goddard says:

Perel believes that there's a badge of honor among American women to not prioritize yourself or your marriage: It's all about the children. Without realizing it, she said, women can end up getting their emotional intimacy and physical satisfaction from their children, instead of their partners, said Perel. They give their babies tons of wonderful affection -- and then don't have anything left over for their spouse. The marriage can become an afterthought.

Um, yep. How many women do we all know like this? It's not their fault. And I don't blame them. But it's a problem. A huge one, in fact.

The fact is, in a family, if mom and dad aren't happy, ain't nobody else happy either. The marriage should be prioritized higher than anything else.

I see it in my own family all the time. When my husband and I are happy and loving with one another, our children are happy and loving with us. They want to get in between us and cuddle and they are much calmer. After all, the marriage is the foundation of the family.

Ideally, children are born from the love two people share with one another. They grow under the umbrella of that love and then they find their own loves with whom they will do the same. Romantic love is so different (thanks mom!) than the love I feel for my children. I would die for my kids, jump in front of a train for them, and move mountains to keep them happy. But my love for my husband is different.

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It's burning and passionate and sexual (one would hope!). It gets me through the hard days and sustains me when things feel low. Without him, the rest would fall apart. I know this, he knows this, and we both work very hard to maintain it. It's not easy. My love for my children is much easier and comes more naturally and takes less work.

So in that sense, yes, my marriage is priority number one. It's what made my family and it's what will stay after my kids fly the nest.

My Perspective:
I couldn’t agree more with this article. It is very important for the husband & wife or couple in a family relationship to maintain their love for each other, make themselves the number one priority, because as it mentions…if the husband and wife are not happy no one else will be & it will be the husband and wife that are left behind after the kids fly the coup…so lets work on each other then the kids. I think it will show them a more stable life and the proper way to stay in a relationship.

Thanks for reading and till next time…Latino Man signing off.

To Believe or Not Believe – That is the REAL Question

When you are in a relationship, whether it is just starting out or you have been together for many…many years, it seems that there are times in the relationship that have doubts. Now, many people believe that being married changes things and the way you approach each argument, plus if you include any children in the equation that will also determine how you approach the argument.

The thing is what I believe that in any relationship whether you are married or not have children or not, the most important ingredients in the relationship are the 2-people that are in the relationship. You see without having 2 happy people that are the relationship, everyone else is affected. So whether you are always fighting and arguing, the people are around you, including children are affected…if you are happy they are happy if you are angry then it will spill over onto those you love…what good will the relationship be if you are not happy…because eventually you could end up separating…or in some case even worse, do something that will forever change everyone’s lives.

So if all those around you depend on the 2-people making it happen then why not make your relationship with each other - work, make it happy, take time for each other…free time, dates, whatever it takes to have time alone together…never to forget that you – 2 – are the core of the relationship or family. I know times are tough, money is tight, finding someone you trust with your kids is tough…but you know what…it can be done, but most importantly it needs to be done for the health of the relationship and family.

We always start off in love, with life and each other…the thing is that many fall into this daily routine and begin settling in…to the point that you forget why you two are together and why you two want to be together, start a family and retire old…that can never be…so making time for each other whether you are married or not, but in a long relationship need to be at the top of your priority list. Because if it is not, then problems, resentment, health issues, and all sort of issues arise and begin eating away at both of you. The little things becomes a huge issue, no communication, begins to wear on the relationship and it begins to spill out onto your love ones, work, life in general becomes a headache.

You know, after too many arguments and complaints those talks that you both have that seems to finally fix the issues at hand…become like an old broken record. When does either of you begin believing in what the other person says, if the previous 10 times they made empty promises, and you both end back to where you started from…more resentment, pain, loneliness, and anger. Do you or the other person finally say it is enough and decide for the both of you…can anyone of us take that responsibility that could change not only your life, but theirs and possibly any children or other family members that maybe part of the family. Maybe it is a burden that one of the two of you will need to take in order to get out of the unhealthy relationship and move on.

The thing I am trying to talk about here is, when do you stop believing in what your significant other promises or says they will do? Can they really change…I think anyone can change…it’s a matter of them wanting to. Change what you say, well we are all different, and certain things about us makes us whom we are…but other things could have manifested from experience that may not be healthy…those things that are not really part of who you are can be changed, if they want to keep what they have or reach a certain goal.

I don’t think anyone should ask someone else to change, but they can tell them know what they want and it will be up to the other person if they want the same thing(s), then they can decide to change or not. But someone has to make the decision when the two of you continue on the same path; it will be a lot to carry, but it will diminish as time goes by and you will both be better for it…especially any children that maybe in between.

I know it is tough…because not every relationship is the same and not everyone is the same, but we all basically want the same thing, tranquility, love, and happiness…to what extent that may be different. I don’t know I could be talking into the wind, the thing is that decisions, those that are the toughest sometimes need to be met head on.

My Perspective:
I guess this whole article is my perspective. When do you decide that all you are getting is empty promises, is it after 2 times or 3 times or 100 times…what ever you feel is good for you, but there does need to be a limit set and a time for one of you to take the responsibility to – move on.

Thanks for reading, Latino Man signing off.

Moving On



Moving on – such a descriptive combination of words that could pretty much mean anything depending on how you use it. But one of the most common uses is when something bad happens in someone’s life and well the only thing that one can do is move on.

But when does that actually occur, I mean when does a person finally realize that that is that and it is time to move on? People all over the world have difference reasons or situations on when they would simply need to move on, but what does it take for them to make that finally decision? I mean can’t we most of those times, before things get way to crazy; seriously there are many things in our lives that I am pretty certain that there are enough signs to let us know that we need to stop going through what we are going through and allow ourselves to – Move on-.

I know for a fact that I would never be able to cover each and every specific situation that individuals may have, from the death of a love one to the separation of a couple that have been together for sometime, to loosing a job to well…heck loosing your house, car, etc. The thing is that most if not all the things we go through or are going through…someone has gone through it and can provide their insight on how they coped with it. Or we can now just as easily look on the internet to get some support, ideas, heck even Support Groups related to what you may be going through. I know that we all have to go through our own grieving or anger or self pity, yah we need to experience it, but why drag it on and on? Why not experience it a bit, try and make the changes, if possible and if nothing then moves on.

I am astonished at these “Human” patterns, lol…ok…I know I am human too…ok well…but come one hasn’t anyone sat down and actually made of study of this, hmm..maybe so…I will need to look that up…what could it be…ahhh.”Human nature to consistently endure self pain that other have gone through”. Horrible, I will need to work on that. But anyhow the thing is that we like to go through this things that involve, family, love, finance and self that others have gone through yet we don’t bother getting help…I mean there are AAA, sex adictics anonymous, eating disorders, etc support groups out there….yah there are divorce support groups, relationship support groups, but why is there something for those “before” those things happen. I know there is therapy, but 90% of the people don’t like to go through that or is it maybe that they feel they don’t need it…but in fact they do.

I am only saying that, the old saying, “You are not the only one in the world going through that”, so why don’t we learn…yes we can cry, grieve a little but dragging it on and on for a period of time that is ridiculous…does not make sense. One thing is for sure I will do everything I can do teach at an early age my children about that concept…my thoughts and most importantly my experiences…because I know if I could teach them to be better to themselves they will be better to our society...maybe…will it work…I will try.

My Perspective:
Do not let things, grief, sadness, broken hearts drag on and on…there needs to be a point, that you decide to move on…move to that next great thing or experience…because, “If it do4es not kills us, can only make us stronger”. Be kind to yourself, be good to yourself, and everyone around you will be better off.

Thanks for reading, Latino Man singing off till next time.

Picking Your Battles

You know I guess this topic isn’t anything new, I am sure it’s been posted and even talked about in conversations. But, I realized the other day that after several occurrences or crazy things that have happened over the past several month have build up to one final incident…bringing to realize that dam…there are some things in life, well in our everyday life that we simply cannot change; And it isn’t one of those things where people say, “I am stuck between a rock and a hard place”, because it isn’t that at all.

I could seriously start from the beginning, but that would go as far back as nearly 3 years ago and it would seriously be a lot of repeat content, but mostly things that I am sure others are going through…anyhow. My thing is after a discussion with my someone I had…it all hit me like a brick. Now, I think it was all those little things that were building up and I just was ignoring…well…all it took was one more thing and BAM, it all came tumbling down at once. And you know this is something that we do with pretty much everything in our lives…I think we see and hear those little nagging things and we simply ignore them hoping they will go away, but eventually, maybe a week later or maybe 10 years later…it all hits you at once.

The thing is why, is it that we as humans prefer to go through all these things and not listen to our parents….I mean I am sure there are parents out there that want to teach their kids about things…and what to avoid and so on…but they simply don’t listen and well…struggle through life. It isn’t after they get married, have kids and live a while…that they realized that, “Dam why didn’t I listen to my parents?” I don’t get it, but it will never change…it is a part of our evolutions, our cycle of life...and it seems it can’t be broken…now there might e a few that get out and move ahead, write books, become famous and yet even with that…kids never listen.

So, back to my case, or issue or reason for this post, you see. Like any parent we try to teach our kids, we try and explain, provide the tools for them to become better people. Of course with that, comes some yelling, some grounding, or taking away of privileges or other things, but I come to realize that it simply doesn’t work…nothing does. You yell, you ask, you ground and they might do it for a day or might listen to you for that one time…that someone offers them a cigarette or alcohol…but then they simply break down…of course with the help of their peers…those kids that you wished your kids never met...but they do. And in the meantime…your blood pressure, your cholesterol your health begins to dwindle away…and your golden years become the “Black” years…nothing really to look forward to except health issues, money issues and more than likely relationship issues.

So, after getting hit with this HUGE reality check, since I was told that by a realistic person…a person that doesn’t dream, because dreams don’t pay the bills or buy $500 dollar shoes…opps…sorry…but after that reality check…my body felt as if a weight was lifted…I didn’t care anymore…now wait…I care about my children, their education, their well being and most importantly that they are successful, but I can’t force something onto any one, adult or child something they simply don’t want, but I can show them the good things that will come with hard work, getting an education, keeping healthy…as compared to not doing any of those things…you can show them. The thing is then you begin to pick the battles, the things that have a very good chance to be changed.

Such as having your child keep their room clean…nope, don’t bother, don’t get upset, but every once in a while ask them to clean their room in a firm voice…that’s all…but if 90% of the time their room is dirty…so be it. Your friend, sister-n-law, or whom ever…has issues with men or women, but you know it is them with the problem…you can’t change them, don’t get upset, yes you love them but is your health really something you can put in front of those with problems they simply don’t want to change…you can’t change them, but you can simply listen…but don’t worry…something you simply can’t change…let it go.

You have people that are dreamers and are always looking for that opportunity to get financial secured, you might know someone, but just because you believe or think that things are impossible, doesn’t mean that it cannot be accomplished and if that individuals is a dreamer…so be it…why in the world would you want o have health issues or get upset or anything if you can’t change them…yah you love them and you don’t want them to blow their inheritance, but you can listen and provide some advice…but don’t get upset, let it go.

If you actually sit down at a table and layout all the things that bring stress, anger, or other negative feelings…you will see that most of them are simply things you cannot change and if you approach them as though they are what they are and don’t let them get to you…you will be able to reduce the list or things to a few things that then you can concentrate on working them out.

The thing sis, that we are all aware of this old saying, but it is so true when you think about it, “Pick Your Battles”. And you will see a better you….which is what is important here…”YOU”, because if you think about it, how many people count on you and if anything happens to you…how many people will it affect…they need you around…so my suggestion here is…get some alone time, write out all the things that make you tense, angry, stressed and so one and begin choosing those that you simply cannot change, they are not life threatening and cross it off. Before you know it, the list will be manageable and “Your” health will be yours.

I am probably preaching…but with such a hit to my self-worth or self…I thought heck let me share.

My Perspective:
If you have dreams, keep them alive…but of course make sure you research what you want to do before going in head-over-heals…and loose your shirt. It’s ok to take some advice from others, but if they become negative remarks, ask them kindly to with-hold their comments…if they care about you…they will understand, but no one and I mean no one should bring down your dreams, you aspirations…or whatever you personally feel is important to you. Believe me you will have many, many reality checks through out your life…and some will be small and some will be HUGE, life changing…just remember with everything that is going on around us…don’t take on the little things in life…believe me, you will eventually understand why I am saying that, but why not take the advice now so you don’t wreck your health now…only saying.

I know, we all want to learn on our own, we want to be first time parents, first time this and that, but if you had someone that went through the same thing or path…come on there is nothing wrong with just listening to the advice they might have…something out of it might feel right and work for you…but never allow someone to put you down on your dreams…if they don’t like them then don’t share it with them…there are others that will more than likely feel enthusiastic about them as much as you…but always research…always research before jumping into anything.

Thanks for reading, till next time Latino Man signing off.