The Big “D” –

Ok so…this is an interesting topic and for the most part these never turn out ok. I have heard a MANY times these just spring up out of anger and frustration and never turn out good for anyone involved and for the most part…the children that are caught in between. It’s one of those thing s that you wish you could have seeing coming and either tried to fix the problem…which most of the time they everyone involved knows…or try to avoid any unfortunate name calling, yelling or court orders. I am just so surprised that we as individuals have progressed through time and evolved into skyscraping builders and outer space travelers and have seen so may of the exact same cases between married couples and yet when the signs are so obvious we ignore them…why….why do we do that and let it turn into chaos down the road.

You know it really bugs me…when you hear and obviously see the many…many young couples or better said newly dating couples holding hands, going out to dinner, sharing kisses, gentle touches and the conversation…well…come on…don’t you remember the long night on the phone or sitting on the front porch or steps and just talking about everything and anything. Mean…I recall talking about pillows one time….so why is it that all that goes away after marriage or maybe after a very long relationship….huh…how come?

Why is that when you talk to couples having marriage problems its always the same issues…and yet many go out and get counseling…and yet the counselors already know what the issues are and probably deal with the same issues over and over again through out the years…and they make a fortune on our misery and exact married problem issues that the neighbor had….huh…why is that. You know a family member going through it, you know friend going through it, or a friend of a friend or a family of a friend, or cousin or great uncle…come on the list goes on and seriously ask them what were the issue…but listen to both sides and believe me when I say each man and woman will give you the same answer…then you sit and chat with your girlfriends and friends about it…but when the signs are there for your relationship…you ignore it…why is that…you know its true and we all do it...why…because the statistic show and have proven time and time again that the marital problems between couples are always the same issues.

That drives me CRAZY…because…ok…well...I’ll calm down…every situation is different but the cause of the issues…no matter what people say…they are always the same thing. Ok…maybe there are few case…and very rare instances…where couples just simply divorce and move on as friends, but those are far and few. Ok, so…lets assume…bad choice of word…but for the sake of this topic…you realize in your relationship that things aren’t the same anymore…the things you both did no longer happen and there seems to be distance starting to build between the two of you…so…you begin the process and try to salvage the marriage or relationship…but everything you try doesn’t seems to be working and you get to a point, whether its several months or several years, where you just had enough and you try to get out in a good manner…but things happen that delay you moving out or filing the papers, for instance loss of a job…you could really afford to place a deposit and first months rent on a place or file the papers for that matter…so you bite a knuckle and hold out for a bit longer…you find a job…so you start saving again…and then decide to move on…but then bam…your car breaks down…now for the sake of the scenario…you don’t have family nearby to go to and of course moving in with a friend is ok for a while…but eventually they would like to start receiving money…so that’s not an options…once again you have to bite your knuckle and hold off…I know…people have a tendency to make excuses…but just say these things are legitimate…ok…so you work on resolving the issue and hope to move on with your life as soon as you can…I know…things could happen and maybe you want to leave everyone involved ok…feeling closure…and if kids are involved…that makes a whole different set of other issues…so time seems to drag while you feel trapped in this relations…but maybe its not so much of a trap since you know what the outcome is…its just that that door…that path to that exit is filled with obstacles, turns, twists and well everything and the kitchen sink…but you know…you’ll get there and when its all said and done…you will be happy you did it the way you did…because your concern will make everyone’s life easier…now if there aren’t any kids involved…yah it’s ok to try, but DANG…move on…there is someone out there for everyone…someone will appreciate the person you are and the life you both share will lead to a fulfilling life…with growth and lots of love…from the very first day you stay up all night talking about everything and anything to the day you both grow old and are helping each other walk, climb, sit, clean…yah…it is real…you just have to want it.

Now the whole divorce thing is frowned upon by many religions, beliefs and societies in our world…but you know….just as marriage and the union of two people…we also always say that people deserve a second chance…so why not at marriage…yah…some go to the extreme of third and fourth and more marriages…and to me…that’s a bit too much…just be with the person and live with them…I don’t know…but if you met someone and they seems to be the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with…but then it all changed afterwards….then you deserve what you were promised…why not…if you both can’t give it to each other anymore…then move on…I am sure you both will find that person…so Divorce shouldn’t be a bad thing…it should be looked at as a “second chance” or “get out of Jail” card…yah.

You know its funny…but we all do it…we like to make ourselves out to someone we really are not just to win the heart of the other…ok…some take it to an extreme…but we all lie a little about who we really are while you are dating…a little but we do it. So, when that happens and lets say you like hamburgers…but you really don’t…so you eat one and then you married the guy/gal…then when he/she ,makes his/her famous hamburger…you say no thank you…so why lie about things that will eventually come back and bite you in the butt…huh…why? Why not be who you are from the start…don’t be afraid…someone will like the person you are and believe me….if you could be the person you are for the rest of your life with that person…you’ll both be happier.

My perspective:

I don’t want to overwhelm you…wonderful readers…so I’ll cut my venting and wish all of you a Happy week coming up and hope that your relationship is exactly what you want not for him/her, but for you.

Thanks for reading and until next time.

Corporate World -

“Ok so my topic is one that I am sure many of you can relate to…it’s about the “Corporate World”.

You know I have been in my profession now for 18 years…wow…I just got a flash back…on my first job in the industry…ok…I am back. So, of course I was young and dumb and probably a little too eager to please or shine…yah…you how that is…I sort of had blinders on and went full speed ahead. You see I was a cook while attending college…so entering the “Corporate World” was…well…you know…my eye were huge when I went to my first interview…5 story building, glass windows everywhere…suits…nice cars…oh yah…it was where I wanted to be. I really wanted to get out of the kitchen. So I took the plunge and of I went. So anyhow, not trying to tell a whole life story here and bore you to death…just wanted to share some of the things I have seeing through out my 18 year tenure…you know…bosses, fellow employees, and everything that came with working in a corporate office.

In my current position I believe I have moved desks at least 5 or 6 times in the past 5 years…it’s amazing. I have seeing people come and go, whether a lateral moment within the company or an outside new position or a new face. Now the thing is I have had many of bosses, and I could honestly say now…that many different types of personalities as well. It was always and enjoyable and of course always a learning experience with each and everyone. I learned a lot from all them…things to do, things not to do…I know that sounds funny…but hey I was out on the trenches so I always was in the grapevine…I knew what they thought of “the Boss”. So when I had the opportunity to become a “Boss”, I recalled all the things from those great bosses and of course all the complaints from the employees to make certain when they talked about me…it was good…I hoped.

The thing is through out these many years I am still amazed on how these huge corporations makes the millions or billions they do…I honestly think they could probably make a lot more…not that I am supporting the idea but only because of all the time that is wasted by employees, supplies, internet surfing, sick time, not taking their job seriously making mistakes…on purpose because they are upset and then these employees have been with companies for 5-10 years. I think if you just took a moment and looked around; if you work in a corporate office or any office for that matter…you’ll see a lot of waste, either materials or time being sucked up by employees or bad processes. Hey I am an employee…I see it…I am amazed.

Now…I am also amazed at how a company can stay in business with some of the management in place…not that I am the best or that every manager is bad, jus that its amazing at who is at the helm…running things…it amazes me. They don’t have a clue and waste as much time and materials and money as any other employee…ok...well…as I continue with my observations…I see people…colleagues with master degrees or doctrines working in a service related industry and it’s not because they want to, but because they can’t find work in the industry they studied and graduated from…so that’s another thing. I am so amazed on corporate business…you know it brings me to think I always wanted to run my own business and grow, but seeing how things really are…I think I rather not…lol…maybe just being an affiliate of these big corps and make some extra cash…signing up with many…would do it for me…LOL.

Ok…so I work for a pretty big company…there were nearly 1000 employees in 2 buildings…just one of the many offices…we are down to about 300-500…well not sure exactly on the numbers but let me illustrate it…we use to occupy 2 buildings filled to capacity…well…we all have been moved into 1 building and well…you can see the major change in numbers alone…but yet…the company stills makes lots of money…and the employees still waste time and materials…the only difference being now…they worry about loosing their job…geez….go figure.

Ok…I have to finish this up with…thanks to all those wonderful bosses that new how to encourage and lead by example, and of course thank you to all those bosses that taught me what not to do when I moved into management…no offense. Thank you to all those wonderful colleagues that showed me the importance to do a good job and of course thanks to all those colleagues that only complained about everything…it was very entertaining…no offense. But just remember the next time you enter your office…look around and observe…try not to be so obvious…you’ll see some amazing things and then you’ll start remember all those conversation with colleagues and bosses…and you’ll wonder how in the world is this company still running and making so much money. Then when you do, step back and make sure you really enjoy your work…not so much the company…but what you do…because you need to enjoy what you do, and believe me you’ll never find that perfect company…it’s impossible….so enjoy what you do and the rest you should be able to handle…why or how…not sure, but I enjoy what I do very much and I am good at it…everything just can’t be perfect…so I just keep plugging away.

Thanks again for reading…hope your days are filled with productive moments that are enjoyable.

Never Ending Cycle –

I know…I know its been a very long time since I posted…no excuses…but I do have to see that kids take a lot of your time…not that I am complaining….just that a 7-year old and a 6 month old sure do require a lot of attention…actually that is the topic of my blog today…so.

“Why do kids want to learn the hard way?”

Hopefully this won’t turn out to be a philosophically topic and I don’t mean it to be…it’s something I have noticed since been married and of course since having kids. Of course I don’t base my ideas on only my family, but other families that I have come in contact with since one of my kids goes to school. I find it interesting how much you become interactive with your kids lives and there friends and families…you begin to notice things…and then it actually brought me to my question or this topic.

As parents we only want the best for our children and most of us do our parts as parents…I mean that with the most out respect, but there are some parents out there that seriously don’t care…that’s the only word I could see fit. So anyhow, we care about our kids, and we always tell them the story about how we walked in the rain for miles to get to school, or how, fortunate you have a warm meal…because when I was growing up I didn’t know where my next meal would come from; these were some of the many stories we would tell our kids…amazing huh.

It seems to work for the time being…you might just get them to eat the veggies, but it seems you have to do it every day or every other day…the same story, then we get tired of arguing and repeating so we start on the punishment…”ok…so…you don’t want to eat your veggies…then no dessert for you”. I mean this is just a simple…thing…and many parents tell me…”Oh come on…nothing is going to happen to them if they don’t eat the veggie”. But its not about eating the veggies…its about teaching our kids how to explore and try new things, foods, sports, because in life you will find that you’ll have to do things you don’t like…everyone of us does it somewhere somehow with something…you can’t deny…so why not start from an early age to teach them while they are young. Come on…unless they are allergic to the food…nothing will happen to them if they eat it…we need to teach them.

And you the best is when I get parents tell me…”Well I don’t like fish…so my kid doesn’t like fish”...wow…I was so shocked…I couldn’t believe that…seriously….I know…I know…to each there own…but we are talking about another human being that is like a white canvas…ready to make a mark in life and because you don’t like fish….ok once again if you are allergic…its possible they are…but that is something that needs to be checked to see if they are…I mean don’t deprive our kids of all the wonderful things in life…always making sure they are ok…by try.

I know as kids grow…they go through the exact same things we did…you know Teenagers…we are fearless…superman like…nothing can hurt us. They never seems to want to hear what we have to say…you did it, I did it, other have definitely did…we just don’t listen. Yet ask yourself something…”if you knew then what you know now…could you imagine the possibilities”. So why not teach our kids…what we know...why not start from an early age and tell them…son/daughter…if I knew then what I know now…it would be different…so listen to me so you can be a better person than me.

I always try to explain things to my son, letting him know that I wish for him to be a better man than me…to not pick up my bad habits and to ask me and learn from me as much as he can. I think starting off early could lead to a more confident, well rounded person. I know it seems like an uphill battle…but if we just gave up…then we just give up on them…and I truly don’t think any parents want to give up on their kids…well most I believe wish for their kids to grow up and be a better person….I didn’t say a doctor, lawyer or physicist…just a better person.

You know I have a brother in law…that always tells e to let my son be a kid…and not to get on him so much. He does that…so he says…he has two daughters…oldest is a straight A student and cheerleader…looks like she wants to head into college. The second one well…not doing to well, always jealous of the oldest…and well...you get the picture. Now, funny he get on my case..but I have seeing a few times where he has gotten tough with his oldest…you know…the…let me ask my dad if I can go to the party…around my uncle…he won’t say no. Well he does say no and he gets on them…so…the whole let them be…hmmm…on his part…I think not. I have another brother in law…with 9 kids…and well…some are nice…but it’s like a mad house…no order…no control…nothing. My brother…it seems his son was a perfect angel…did good in school, played sports, but when he got out of high school…he started on drugs, alcohol, time in jail…I always looked at my brother and thought I hope I am as good as a parent as him…but then it all went to…well. I know there can be factors, families splitting up, bad divorces, influential friends, and so on and so on. But parents, whether married or single…there is an abundance of information out there to help all parents…teach them…be their for them…listen…explain, don’t yell…and always handle things with a gentle hand.

I am not saying that all families are the same…but if you look close enough…we all go through it….you yell they don’t listen they keep doing it…and then they have kids…they yell…their kids don’t listen…and it goes on and on. Ask your neighbor…I did…they told my how there two daughters always tested them (the word every one uses)…they yelled…”stop running you’re going to fall…and BAM…they fall”. We do that with our children…one thing or another.

Of course I have been told…”Well you know that every one is different and no one kids is the same” or “Well I don’t live in a nice house or neighborhood or I can’t give my kid piano lessons”. But if you step back and look whether in a huge house, small house, a bad neighborhood, or good neighborhood, whether you are a doctor or a fry cook….look at our lives…our children never seems to listen, I am not saying there are a few exception out there…but that’s just it…there are a few exceptions out there…so why can we do it? And I mean why can’t we do it…is why do we as kids don’t feel like listening…learning from someone older…only looking for your best interests.

So, is it in our genes…meaning as kids we just don’t listen…or want to learn from our parent or adults. Imagine your kids sitting down with you and asking you everything you know about life…the mistakes you made the things that turn out right…how you handle the first broken heart…because we all go through it…imagine that…kids listening…and then taking your advise...I have thought about it and maybe it’s the delivery of the advise or the thing we want them to stop doing…maybe if we did it in a more gentler or a more fun method of explaining…hmm not sure…just thinking out loud.

It’s crazy and I am probably making no sense at all now…so many thoughts…so many ideas…and so many families in the same situation. If they would only want to learn, and have fun as kids at the same time…its possible…its just getting them…our kids…to actually follow our advise through out life…or at least for their first 18 years.

Thanks for reading, I'll try and post more often...I'll try.