Loving the Husband More Than the Kids is Key to Good Life
By The Stir Parenting – Fri, Nov 25, 2011 9:06 AM EST

I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad. "It's a different kind of love," she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, "Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?" Since when, indeed.

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Blogger Joanna Goddard addresses this in her blog and the result is very interesting. She spoke of a conversation she and a friend had after her friend saw writer Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity, a book about sex within a marriage (and after having kids). Goddard says:

Perel believes that there's a badge of honor among American women to not prioritize yourself or your marriage: It's all about the children. Without realizing it, she said, women can end up getting their emotional intimacy and physical satisfaction from their children, instead of their partners, said Perel. They give their babies tons of wonderful affection -- and then don't have anything left over for their spouse. The marriage can become an afterthought.

Um, yep. How many women do we all know like this? It's not their fault. And I don't blame them. But it's a problem. A huge one, in fact.

The fact is, in a family, if mom and dad aren't happy, ain't nobody else happy either. The marriage should be prioritized higher than anything else.

I see it in my own family all the time. When my husband and I are happy and loving with one another, our children are happy and loving with us. They want to get in between us and cuddle and they are much calmer. After all, the marriage is the foundation of the family.

Ideally, children are born from the love two people share with one another. They grow under the umbrella of that love and then they find their own loves with whom they will do the same. Romantic love is so different (thanks mom!) than the love I feel for my children. I would die for my kids, jump in front of a train for them, and move mountains to keep them happy. But my love for my husband is different.

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It's burning and passionate and sexual (one would hope!). It gets me through the hard days and sustains me when things feel low. Without him, the rest would fall apart. I know this, he knows this, and we both work very hard to maintain it. It's not easy. My love for my children is much easier and comes more naturally and takes less work.

So in that sense, yes, my marriage is priority number one. It's what made my family and it's what will stay after my kids fly the nest.

My Perspective:
I couldn’t agree more with this article. It is very important for the husband & wife or couple in a family relationship to maintain their love for each other, make themselves the number one priority, because as it mentions…if the husband and wife are not happy no one else will be & it will be the husband and wife that are left behind after the kids fly the coup…so lets work on each other then the kids. I think it will show them a more stable life and the proper way to stay in a relationship.

Thanks for reading and till next time…Latino Man signing off.

To Believe or Not Believe – That is the REAL Question

When you are in a relationship, whether it is just starting out or you have been together for many…many years, it seems that there are times in the relationship that have doubts. Now, many people believe that being married changes things and the way you approach each argument, plus if you include any children in the equation that will also determine how you approach the argument.

The thing is what I believe that in any relationship whether you are married or not have children or not, the most important ingredients in the relationship are the 2-people that are in the relationship. You see without having 2 happy people that are the relationship, everyone else is affected. So whether you are always fighting and arguing, the people are around you, including children are affected…if you are happy they are happy if you are angry then it will spill over onto those you love…what good will the relationship be if you are not happy…because eventually you could end up separating…or in some case even worse, do something that will forever change everyone’s lives.

So if all those around you depend on the 2-people making it happen then why not make your relationship with each other - work, make it happy, take time for each other…free time, dates, whatever it takes to have time alone together…never to forget that you – 2 – are the core of the relationship or family. I know times are tough, money is tight, finding someone you trust with your kids is tough…but you know what…it can be done, but most importantly it needs to be done for the health of the relationship and family.

We always start off in love, with life and each other…the thing is that many fall into this daily routine and begin settling in…to the point that you forget why you two are together and why you two want to be together, start a family and retire old…that can never be…so making time for each other whether you are married or not, but in a long relationship need to be at the top of your priority list. Because if it is not, then problems, resentment, health issues, and all sort of issues arise and begin eating away at both of you. The little things becomes a huge issue, no communication, begins to wear on the relationship and it begins to spill out onto your love ones, work, life in general becomes a headache.

You know, after too many arguments and complaints those talks that you both have that seems to finally fix the issues at hand…become like an old broken record. When does either of you begin believing in what the other person says, if the previous 10 times they made empty promises, and you both end back to where you started from…more resentment, pain, loneliness, and anger. Do you or the other person finally say it is enough and decide for the both of you…can anyone of us take that responsibility that could change not only your life, but theirs and possibly any children or other family members that maybe part of the family. Maybe it is a burden that one of the two of you will need to take in order to get out of the unhealthy relationship and move on.

The thing I am trying to talk about here is, when do you stop believing in what your significant other promises or says they will do? Can they really change…I think anyone can change…it’s a matter of them wanting to. Change what you say, well we are all different, and certain things about us makes us whom we are…but other things could have manifested from experience that may not be healthy…those things that are not really part of who you are can be changed, if they want to keep what they have or reach a certain goal.

I don’t think anyone should ask someone else to change, but they can tell them know what they want and it will be up to the other person if they want the same thing(s), then they can decide to change or not. But someone has to make the decision when the two of you continue on the same path; it will be a lot to carry, but it will diminish as time goes by and you will both be better for it…especially any children that maybe in between.

I know it is tough…because not every relationship is the same and not everyone is the same, but we all basically want the same thing, tranquility, love, and happiness…to what extent that may be different. I don’t know I could be talking into the wind, the thing is that decisions, those that are the toughest sometimes need to be met head on.

My Perspective:
I guess this whole article is my perspective. When do you decide that all you are getting is empty promises, is it after 2 times or 3 times or 100 times…what ever you feel is good for you, but there does need to be a limit set and a time for one of you to take the responsibility to – move on.

Thanks for reading, Latino Man signing off.

Same ‘O Same ‘O– Communication

This is an interesting topic and one that still baffles me is the thing about intimacy and communication. Yah we read and hear and people tells us always that “Communication” is an important factor in a relationship and most importantly in the intimacy of the relationship. The thing is that no one really does it or most people really only say it but never follow through.

Now, when you first meet someone people always try and please the other person, and pretty much only worry about there needs, wants and well everything, but they really never think about their own needs, which in fact are important in the relationship because if you are not feeling it, then it will show through and your better half will eventually notice. This will bring, angry, resentment, among other feelings that will or could eventually lead to a breakup. This all could have been resolved with some simply communication – right up front – when you first meet or better said when you first are intimate.

Now, the thing is that we all know that hardly ever happens, meaning that two people communicate about anything, so we end up seeing couples that have been together for years, even decades and they have the same issue…you can tell that neither individual is happy with the relationship but yet they stay together. Does that make us creatures of habit? I think many of us if not all of us, including myself, when we settle in and get comfortable we sort of stay there whether it is bad or good. I don’t know the thing is, maybe there are some individuals that can communicate what they need or want, but I think the majority of us don’t have real good listening skills…or we simply just don’t listen.

So why do we see articles on this and why does every one tell their friends and love ones that listening is important in any relationship and in all aspect of the relationship…yet they don’t follow their own advice. Now with all that said, if there are issues any part of your relationship, seriously, please talk to your partner. Whether it is about money, which we all know it is a very touchy subject and many times could lead to huge fights, but if you can learn to talk about it, maybe you both can come to an agreement. Now if it has to do with household chores, talk about it, if any one of you feels that you are doing more then talk. Another thing that I saw worked is trade chores, between man and women, such as cooking, cleaning, and such as mowing the lawn, pruning the trees, fixing the computer, etc. Sometimes seeing what the other person does will shed a light on the whole chore thing. But you know what the best piece of advice that I can give in regards to household chores or family life…is ask for HELP…simply ask your significant other to do something in particular, you will be amazed that if you ask nicely they will be glad to do it

The whole communication thingy in relationships seems to only work if the two people involved do it together, any other way does not work and will more than likely lead to problems.

But back to the intimacy thingy, which I find to be a very important part of any relationship, because intimacy not only is good sexually, but emotionally it has its affects…it brings people together, if you communicate. And if you think about it, intimacy is when everyone is most vulnerable and usually let go of their inhibitions. So if you want it to be a certain way or you like it a certain way…they tell them. You are just as important or better said you should be satisfied sexually as much as the other person, and believe if you are a women, guys want to make their women happy…and they – we – men - will listen, believe me…we will. So guys and gals, talk, tell each other what you like and it will be great.

Heck…I probably blogged about this same topic a million times, but everyday as I wake up and go to work, go to the gym go to the store or just go out…I see that people never really communicate about anything and nothing ever gets resolved, it saddens me…to see our society go “Texting”, emailing and never physically talking anymore.

My perspective:
Communication has been an essential part of any relationship, lovers, friends, family, and yet it is so hard for anyone of us to do, yet it can seriously fix a lot of personal problems or at least clear them up…so do it. The next time you are intimate with your significant other and there is something she or he is not doing right or maybe they are doing right, let them know. It will be great for you and them and everyone will be happy. Talk don’t yell, breath don’t hyper-ventilate, listen – really listen and say good morning, afternoon or evening instead of texting.

Thanks for reading till next time Latino Man signing off.

Non-Interactive Society

Texting, Social Networks, No Social Skills…

We all remember Wally – E and the famous ship traveling the universe where mankind simply sat in these oversized lounge chairs, while they did nothing physically. They were waiting for the time they would be able to return to earth and restart where they had left off.

The story line seems awfully familiar, almost seems like many of us are living it right now. With all the floods, earth quakes, financial worries looming on the media, why would anyone want to leave the safety of their home. Simply staying put on that couch or lounge chair seems to be taking a hold off our society. Now, we can place the blame completely on the media, we also need to start looking at all the new technology advances, such as text messaging, social networks like face book, these conveniences might not be all that convenient or healthy for us.

Society now has now been so accustomed to having everything at their fingertips, or thumbs in some cases. With the new revolutionary way of communicating, via texting people simply pull out their convenient phone and send a quick message to their beloveds. It seems to be quicker than dialing and talking. Before the night club scene was the place to socialize, meet you people that you can actually touch, see, smell and hold a live conversation. Social network like Face Book, My Space and Twitter people simply write a quick sentence or post a picture and that’s how they communicate. But that’s not the worst of it all, now with abbreviated text messages, such as Laugh Out Loud (LOL), By the way (BTW), etc. people are beginning to loose any social skills that we had. Dating , well people meet online now, emails or post are exchanged and then one face to face meeting and your setup, married, engage…but hen a few weeks later things don’t work out, because most of the people online most definitely twist their stories and well simply put you never know who you will meet online.

It’s amazing, even the convenience of Texting, people don’t pick up the phone anymore and say hello or please stop by the store…its now, “Hey Can U Go 2 da store. Thnx”. Texting has giving people a new method of avoiding any kind of human contact, in any type of relationship, friends, dating partners, married couples…its everywhere. Social networks have not only replaced going out, but it has also become a means of bullying others and not only in front of your friends or neighbors, these cyber bullies can bully you in front of MILLIONS. I totally feel that all these conveniences are great, don’t get me wrong, but we need to find a balance and not loose touch with our human side. But please don’t take my words for being true, simply look around you when you are out and about, people walking as they texting, or ask your friend if they have a Face Book account, maybe you do as well, you’ll see that most everyone you know and that they know are on some kind of social network.

Ok wait, I do hear that people use these social networks to communicate with family, and friends all over the words, by sharing stories, events and pictures, but then you forget how to say hello, or guess what, people interpret writing differently and misunderstandings happen, “well that text sounded like she or he was mad”, and friendships and marriages or relationships are broken…because of a text message misunderstood….wait, imagine on Face Book, then someone you thought you know writes something horrible on your wall, the wall is where people on Face book write messages, well those that you allow to, so what do you think would happen…someone writes that they saw you with so and so, when in fact it wasn’t true…a relationship could be broken…because of someone hundreds or thousands of miles away. People don’t have to put face anymore and still hurt others.

The world is failing economically, we are slowly finishing the earth resources, we are slipping away from live interaction and it seems no one really cares, they are sleeping going with the flow. Walking in a st5aright line looking at our cell phone while texting, getting home and eating ready made foods and jumping online to begin socializing with friends and family. No more BBQs, or holiday dinners, or speed dating. One day we will be hooked up to our computers and simply be.

I mean, of course we have the gas prices issue that many are enduring and makes traveling by car near impossible or only a necessity if needed, so I guess a little everything sort of plays a part on the direction our society is going towards…maybe Wally-E will eventually be. I might not be in my complete right mind, and maybe thousands will disagree with this post, but let’s see what our society will look like in 5 years.

Thanks for reading, keep safe, be adventures, and talk to your love one instead of texting or emailing them, read a book first before watching the movie, BBQ instead of having Mc Donald’s. Till next time, Latino Man signing off.

Today’s Technology - Communication

This is a huge topic for me ok and I am sure you’ll get tired, but then again this is my Blog…communications and funny thing is that with today’s technology and I am referring to Texting…it really doesn’t help at all.  You see people are no longer or hardly ever picking up the phone to talk to someone…they simply send a text. So what I see happening is eventually people will not be able to talk to one another…or hold a conversation. Learning proper pronunciation will be a thing of the past….why because as long as you have good grammar all you need to do is send a text.

I had to bring this up because in my relationship there is little to no communication anymore…and just about 6 months ago my significant other purchased a new phone and of course with it some new features…well guess what…Texting is one of them and well…the few times we use to talk…which were little are now in the form of texts Wait…ok…so texting people tell is not bad and it is convenient, well the thing is that with texting comes all sorts of abbreviated words, Laugh out loud (LOL), Be right back (BRB), etc…so not only do you no longer communicate…now the words are even abbreviated…that blows my mind.

We can’t simply put the kids to bed and pour a glass of wine or beer and talk to your significant other…but when you first meet…do you remember those days, hours on the phone…hours hanging outside in the freaking cold talking…and  some how that all disappears. You know right now many of you are saying that isn’t the case in my relationship…well…I say…to you…wait for it…it will come, of course I hope not but it will come. Why do I say that…come on I have neighbors and friends  that have been married 25, 30 or more years…and you know  what their secret is…they sleep in separate rooms…yah that’s a great solution.

So thanks to technology for making our lives easier, but no thanks on helping people communicate verbally. So how far will technology take us? Has anyone seen surrogate? That move had Bruce Willies in it…it was very interesting…maybe one day we don’t have to be ourselves anymore and pick and choose whom we want to be…and not feel a darn thing…wow…yah I am raving on and on…but Texting…guess I can’t text on my phone and I don’t need to or want it. Of course people tell me I am out dated, but you know what I think that something else will eventually come along that will take the place of texting and we’ll only fall deeper into this non-verbal world that seems to be creeping up on us.

My Perspective:
Put down that cell phone, stop texting and talk to your significant other or best friend. Get together at Starbuck or a happy hour and talk to one another. Got kids get a babysitter or have your parents watch the kids for three or four hours…and go someone semi-quite and talk…using your mouth. You know what I think…seriously you’ll enjoy it…and you are asking what the heck should we talk about…how about those dreams you both had when you first met…and not to bring up old wounds or things that never happen, but maybe at this point in both your lives you can maybe make one or both of them come true or at least get started…but talk.

Thanks for reading my ramping and raving, till next time Latino Man is signing off.