Loving the Husband More Than the Kids is Key to Good Life
By The Stir Parenting – Fri, Nov 25, 2011 9:06 AM EST

I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad. "It's a different kind of love," she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, "Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?" Since when, indeed.

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Blogger Joanna Goddard addresses this in her blog and the result is very interesting. She spoke of a conversation she and a friend had after her friend saw writer Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity, a book about sex within a marriage (and after having kids). Goddard says:

Perel believes that there's a badge of honor among American women to not prioritize yourself or your marriage: It's all about the children. Without realizing it, she said, women can end up getting their emotional intimacy and physical satisfaction from their children, instead of their partners, said Perel. They give their babies tons of wonderful affection -- and then don't have anything left over for their spouse. The marriage can become an afterthought.

Um, yep. How many women do we all know like this? It's not their fault. And I don't blame them. But it's a problem. A huge one, in fact.

The fact is, in a family, if mom and dad aren't happy, ain't nobody else happy either. The marriage should be prioritized higher than anything else.

I see it in my own family all the time. When my husband and I are happy and loving with one another, our children are happy and loving with us. They want to get in between us and cuddle and they are much calmer. After all, the marriage is the foundation of the family.

Ideally, children are born from the love two people share with one another. They grow under the umbrella of that love and then they find their own loves with whom they will do the same. Romantic love is so different (thanks mom!) than the love I feel for my children. I would die for my kids, jump in front of a train for them, and move mountains to keep them happy. But my love for my husband is different.

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It's burning and passionate and sexual (one would hope!). It gets me through the hard days and sustains me when things feel low. Without him, the rest would fall apart. I know this, he knows this, and we both work very hard to maintain it. It's not easy. My love for my children is much easier and comes more naturally and takes less work.

So in that sense, yes, my marriage is priority number one. It's what made my family and it's what will stay after my kids fly the nest.

My Perspective:
I couldn’t agree more with this article. It is very important for the husband & wife or couple in a family relationship to maintain their love for each other, make themselves the number one priority, because as it mentions…if the husband and wife are not happy no one else will be & it will be the husband and wife that are left behind after the kids fly the coup…so lets work on each other then the kids. I think it will show them a more stable life and the proper way to stay in a relationship.

Thanks for reading and till next time…Latino Man signing off.

Change – Is NOT Possible

I recently posted a topic or topics and some where in there I talked about change and sometimes the need for us to make the change which at times can be really difficult. But as I read through it and the thing s I am going through now I not only at a personal level by a professional level…”Change” is many times not possible. We can change certain things, but many things that go on everyday in our lives…even little things…sometimes cannot be changed.

Now, when you think about it…sometimes we hope for the best and try to change things, well those that we can or we try, but when it comes down to it…if you look back at some of those things you supposedly changed…they some how crept back and you are right back to square one. So, maybe it is noticeable or maybe not…but look around you and there is a good possibility that something you might have worked on changing…could be right back in your life.

Now, I am not trying to be negative here ok…don’t take my post the wrong way…but I wanted to point something out about what I noticed around me…not only personally but professionally. Even at work things that people have meetings on or committees that work through a project, process or whatever it may be…something to improve the bottom line for the company or business…well…I noticed that those 6 months of meetings and possibly tens of thousands of dollars spent on the committee…you know time and salaries of the individuals involved…pretty much seem to be written off. Because the issues or processes ends right back to where it started from…the work that was done…is for nothing.

And that doesn’t go only for work process and projects, etc. it happens in our life, with relationships, raising kids, love, etc…things such as New Year resolutions may get started but end up right back on our shoulders. What I am trying to say about this is that we try and make changes we would like to see done, but it seems that in most cases our efforts and or work seems to be for nothing. So why would anyone of us put ourselves through those kinds of regimens? Couldn’t we just avoid the work or loss of money and time and simply continue with what we were trying to change…because when you think about it…most of won’t make the necessary change unless something horrible happens…because it is then that we make the change because of a loss of a love one or a drastic injury to ourselves…maybe loosing you job and house…will bring about changes in how you control your finances…whatever it maybe …it all comes down to making the change whether it be by your own means or because of a drastic event in your / our lives.

My Perspective:
It’s tough to give my perspective because I could simply say why bother making change…why not wait until something drastically or huge event causes you to make the change without your opinion. Because if you try it just because you want to…it seems never to pan out…or for many of us…it does not pan out or it comes right back. Or you can go ahead and attempt a New Years resolutions and hope that in 6 months or year it doesn’t come back…if that is the case then good luck.

Thanks for reading till next time Latino man signing off.

Getting it Done



Things are coming to a weird point….what I mean is Life itself. I need to get a hold of it and start moving forward again. I think these past several years I have felt stagnated, as though my life has made no forward progress. I need more and need support to go with it. Trying to juggle many things in my life has become more of a circus show than life itself.

I don’t know anymore what I am doing if it is part of an act or if it should be something to do with life and how we want to live it. Many of us talk about living life to the fullest, enjoy the moments, but how do we do it or get back on track on doing it? I know we all don’t have a perfect life…you know, that perfect job, family kids and heck heading to a perfect retirement possibly early…no…I am sure we all have nothing in the bank to even consider a retirement any time soon or kids that don’t get into trouble or a family life that doesn’t require some kind of tension, yelling or arguments…about who didn’t put more toilet paper in the bathroom. We all move along each day as though we are clinging to the river banks…trying so desperately to get onto shore and on solid ground.

We all seem to be paddling along and really never moving anywhere…almost like a whirlpool…with no really grip on life or substance. Of course some of us end up drowning and some make it to shore on solid ground and start on the road to where you wanted to be.

Many of us look for the New Year to be the time we decide on a new beginning…a new solutions or the time to set goals. It could be form loosing weight, to making time for fun activities to quick smoking and to saving more money…but the thing is that statistically 70% of those new year resolutions never pan out…people simply give up or stop dead cold. I don’t know if those that make it through their New year resolutions have some secret to getting it done…or maybe they have the Mojo…whatever it is it would be nice if we could bottle it up.

The thing is that I hate trying to make a New Year’s resolution they never seem to pan out…so maybe if I approach it differently this year or this time around….I will get it done…whatever I put my mind to…who knows. The thing I might still lack in my situation is the “support” part of it…but I guess I can figure that out…still have a few weeks before the New Year.

My thing is…wanting to get ahead…financially…I know I can, I just need the opportunity. Because the work part of it is not missing…I will work hard, smart or whatever it takes…I just need the opportunity. I know nothing is free…so the opportunity is what I am looking for.

My perspective:
Don’t use the New Year as a time to set a goal or make plans for the New Year, take the time now to plan, and I mean plan smart within your means…and then execute. Do it for you no some superstition, not for anyone else but for you.

Thanks for reading my blabbering…till next time Latino Man signing off.

To Believe or Not Believe – That is the REAL Question

When you are in a relationship, whether it is just starting out or you have been together for many…many years, it seems that there are times in the relationship that have doubts. Now, many people believe that being married changes things and the way you approach each argument, plus if you include any children in the equation that will also determine how you approach the argument.

The thing is what I believe that in any relationship whether you are married or not have children or not, the most important ingredients in the relationship are the 2-people that are in the relationship. You see without having 2 happy people that are the relationship, everyone else is affected. So whether you are always fighting and arguing, the people are around you, including children are affected…if you are happy they are happy if you are angry then it will spill over onto those you love…what good will the relationship be if you are not happy…because eventually you could end up separating…or in some case even worse, do something that will forever change everyone’s lives.

So if all those around you depend on the 2-people making it happen then why not make your relationship with each other - work, make it happy, take time for each other…free time, dates, whatever it takes to have time alone together…never to forget that you – 2 – are the core of the relationship or family. I know times are tough, money is tight, finding someone you trust with your kids is tough…but you know what…it can be done, but most importantly it needs to be done for the health of the relationship and family.

We always start off in love, with life and each other…the thing is that many fall into this daily routine and begin settling in…to the point that you forget why you two are together and why you two want to be together, start a family and retire old…that can never be…so making time for each other whether you are married or not, but in a long relationship need to be at the top of your priority list. Because if it is not, then problems, resentment, health issues, and all sort of issues arise and begin eating away at both of you. The little things becomes a huge issue, no communication, begins to wear on the relationship and it begins to spill out onto your love ones, work, life in general becomes a headache.

You know, after too many arguments and complaints those talks that you both have that seems to finally fix the issues at hand…become like an old broken record. When does either of you begin believing in what the other person says, if the previous 10 times they made empty promises, and you both end back to where you started from…more resentment, pain, loneliness, and anger. Do you or the other person finally say it is enough and decide for the both of you…can anyone of us take that responsibility that could change not only your life, but theirs and possibly any children or other family members that maybe part of the family. Maybe it is a burden that one of the two of you will need to take in order to get out of the unhealthy relationship and move on.

The thing I am trying to talk about here is, when do you stop believing in what your significant other promises or says they will do? Can they really change…I think anyone can change…it’s a matter of them wanting to. Change what you say, well we are all different, and certain things about us makes us whom we are…but other things could have manifested from experience that may not be healthy…those things that are not really part of who you are can be changed, if they want to keep what they have or reach a certain goal.

I don’t think anyone should ask someone else to change, but they can tell them know what they want and it will be up to the other person if they want the same thing(s), then they can decide to change or not. But someone has to make the decision when the two of you continue on the same path; it will be a lot to carry, but it will diminish as time goes by and you will both be better for it…especially any children that maybe in between.

I know it is tough…because not every relationship is the same and not everyone is the same, but we all basically want the same thing, tranquility, love, and happiness…to what extent that may be different. I don’t know I could be talking into the wind, the thing is that decisions, those that are the toughest sometimes need to be met head on.

My Perspective:
I guess this whole article is my perspective. When do you decide that all you are getting is empty promises, is it after 2 times or 3 times or 100 times…what ever you feel is good for you, but there does need to be a limit set and a time for one of you to take the responsibility to – move on.

Thanks for reading, Latino Man signing off.

Moving On



Moving on – such a descriptive combination of words that could pretty much mean anything depending on how you use it. But one of the most common uses is when something bad happens in someone’s life and well the only thing that one can do is move on.

But when does that actually occur, I mean when does a person finally realize that that is that and it is time to move on? People all over the world have difference reasons or situations on when they would simply need to move on, but what does it take for them to make that finally decision? I mean can’t we most of those times, before things get way to crazy; seriously there are many things in our lives that I am pretty certain that there are enough signs to let us know that we need to stop going through what we are going through and allow ourselves to – Move on-.

I know for a fact that I would never be able to cover each and every specific situation that individuals may have, from the death of a love one to the separation of a couple that have been together for sometime, to loosing a job to well…heck loosing your house, car, etc. The thing is that most if not all the things we go through or are going through…someone has gone through it and can provide their insight on how they coped with it. Or we can now just as easily look on the internet to get some support, ideas, heck even Support Groups related to what you may be going through. I know that we all have to go through our own grieving or anger or self pity, yah we need to experience it, but why drag it on and on? Why not experience it a bit, try and make the changes, if possible and if nothing then moves on.

I am astonished at these “Human” patterns, lol…ok…I know I am human too…ok well…but come one hasn’t anyone sat down and actually made of study of this, hmm..maybe so…I will need to look that up…what could it be…ahhh.”Human nature to consistently endure self pain that other have gone through”. Horrible, I will need to work on that. But anyhow the thing is that we like to go through this things that involve, family, love, finance and self that others have gone through yet we don’t bother getting help…I mean there are AAA, sex adictics anonymous, eating disorders, etc support groups out there….yah there are divorce support groups, relationship support groups, but why is there something for those “before” those things happen. I know there is therapy, but 90% of the people don’t like to go through that or is it maybe that they feel they don’t need it…but in fact they do.

I am only saying that, the old saying, “You are not the only one in the world going through that”, so why don’t we learn…yes we can cry, grieve a little but dragging it on and on for a period of time that is ridiculous…does not make sense. One thing is for sure I will do everything I can do teach at an early age my children about that concept…my thoughts and most importantly my experiences…because I know if I could teach them to be better to themselves they will be better to our society...maybe…will it work…I will try.

My Perspective:
Do not let things, grief, sadness, broken hearts drag on and on…there needs to be a point, that you decide to move on…move to that next great thing or experience…because, “If it do4es not kills us, can only make us stronger”. Be kind to yourself, be good to yourself, and everyone around you will be better off.

Thanks for reading, Latino Man singing off till next time.

Reality Check

So have you ever had an argument with a significant other that just totally made you have a HUGE reality Check? I mean when that happens, it begins a whole avalanche of thoughts that run through your mind, things begin making sense, why this happened,  why this person acts this way, and well I could not list everything that we would each go through.

The thing is you begin connecting the dots, and tell yourself, “Ahh, now I know why he/she never wanted to be intimate”. I mean, I hate to use that as an example, but I am a guy and well heck that’s the first thing that came to mind…yah..yah…I stink, but there are a whole lot of other things that came crashing through. Anyhow, so you get this reality check and not sure how some people would handle it, maybe some would loose it, yell, rave and ramp or maybe some will simply come to a peace of mind, calm sensation, which is what happen to me.

I finally realize why all those things were happening or why they weren’t and a sort of calmness washed over me and I simply said “OH”. So you ask yourself what do “I” do at that point; because yelling and arguing, seriously never ever help the situation. So, At that point you make a decision to move on and not linger with it, because there are something you can change or try, but we all try not to change the person we love, because we love them as they are with all their flaws, bad habits, etc, there are some things that none of should go through and should tried to be changed or simply we need to walk away. But that was not the case here, the thing is that when things or conversations happen like that and you finally realize that dam…what the heck…I mean I know for some it could mean 10, 15 or more years that were put into the relationship, and yah some of us have children in between, and I mean young children,  but does that mean that you as a person should have to continue living like that?

I think not, it might hurt like HELL, but you know that old saying, “Time heals Everything”. Well do it not just for you, but it should be the main reason, but for any kids that there may be…heck they see the turmoil between father and mother and it is not a good thing for them to see. Most importantly it’s for your own health and the health of the other partner. I know it all sounds easy on paper or on your screen, but when it comes down to it…and wait, with today’s economy many can afford to live and provide child support, or spousal support. I have even read articles about couples that have been divorced for a few years, but do to the economy or one of the parents loosing their job, they end up living together in the mean-time while things get better…like roommates; sounds crazy I know, but the variable are amazing.

You ever wonder why some marriages just walk away or almost kill each other, and bitter for years and years, how they do it…it becomes this monkey on each others back. And the horrible thing is that most of the time and it is a statistic, marriage or couples split do to financial reasons. And bitter divorces continue do to financial reasons. It makes you wonder why people even get married, unless you have a paid off house, lots of money in the bank, retirement money ready and waiting for you both, college money ready and waiting for any kids that come and most importantly making sure you sewed your oats way before you get married so that is out of the way…then, maybe then you get married. That still does not guarantee a successful marriage...wow.

Reality Checks, decisions, concerns, relationships, couples, finances and intimacy…it is more complicated that a Swiss Watch…yet we never seem to learn. What works, secrets, you know…what could it be that one ingredient…I have heard so many things, but they don’t all work for everyone….each person is so unique and trying to find that thing that keeps both of you connected for the long years ahead…is just not as simple as we would like to think.

My thing is that, why does it take something as bad as things cold get in order for a person to finally realize that it is wrong or not working? Why can’t we see things as they come to us, try to make them work and fix them of possible right then and there or move on? I know once again so many variables come into play and people are different so things never seem to work out the way most of us would like to But one thing is for sure, there are always signs, they might be small, sometimes they are huge, but there are always signs…the first thing you should not do is DENY them…you need to approach them as they come to you or they will end up becoming HUGE and non-correctable. Denial seems to be the first thing with anything that doesn’t go your way to be the one things that gets in the way…so get past “Denial” and maybe you can get moving on with your life.

My Perspective:

Relationships are more complex than a Swiss watch, or better said Rocket Science is possibly easier to understand than relationships, but that doesn’t mean that you should give up…may be move on. But one thing…to remember, get past “Denial” and the next steps should be right there.

Thanks for reading, till next time stay safe, and sane – Latino Man signing Off.