Our Children Are Mirror Images of Us
The other day I was thinking about my son, he is 8 years old. Now, the thing is I really didn’t have a father when I was growing up. So trying to recall anything I could have learned from him as been a father figure, well that is out the window. The thing is my son has noticeably become more disobedient and ever so often, more than often, he is starting to lie. Now, don’t get me wrong the lies are not huge or devastation, but I would like to help stop it now before he gets older and it becomes more difficult to teach him, sort of speaking, regarding lying. Now, I understand that currently I am going through some marital problems and I pretty certain that some of the issues he is displaying are from that, but of course I do my best to explain things to him, I know he is only 8 years old and people have told me that that is the reason for his new attitude. The thing is…I don’t think that is the only reason and maybe it is difficult for me to determine what might be the cause taking the situation I am in, but I guess will never really know until possibly he gets older to find out what was all the ruckus about.
I honestly believe that our children are a mirror image of us; they mimic our actions, habits and values. Now the sad thing about this is, in my opinion, that as parents or better yet said, as adults we know we have certain unhealthy habits and we know that we would like for our children to be better people than us. You know the story, I use to have to walk for miles in the rain, snow to get to school and you get a ride. Yah ok, well that maybe true but of course times have change, technology has change and well our children are more technology savvy. Now, we provide, we teach, we encourage, we do many things for our children trying for them to be better than us. Many parents have a tendency to live through the children’s eyes, but I think that sometimes that creates many issues and frustration on the art f the children and of course the parent. What I am trying to say is that we know of our unhealthy habits, maybe exaggeration, and drama or lying and yet we teach those to our children.
Let me give you an example. I know a couple that directly lies to one child when the other child is doing something special and the other child is not included. The child getting that special occasion is told by the parents it is ok to lie to her sister, so as not to cause her to cry, etc…etc.…you know since she wasn’t invited. Now, they do this with each child, one has something going on and the other doesn’t so the parents proceed to tell that child that it is ok to lie so as not to hurt the other siblings feelings. The thing is that, the children start to believe that lying is ok; so they start to lie to other children and adults thinking it is ok to lie that to hurt someone’s feeling. The thing is that the lies, if left unchecked, begin to become made-up stories, or lies that can actually be dangerous or really hurt someone. So my thing is that if parents know, and I am sure they know, why do they do this? Parents say they want the best for their children and wish for them to be successful and a contributor to society, but if they have these habits and continue to teach them to their children then when does the cycle stop?
Why can’t we as parents and most importantly as adults see that our unhealthy habits should not be passes on to our children? I mean…I have a temper….but most of the time it is for absolutely good reason, anyhow am not justifying it. But when I get upset, really upset around my children I do my best and most of the time to show my children how to handle the anger. I will either count backwards starting from 10 and if it is something really big I start from 20, my son gets a kick out of it. Plus I do other things like if I am working on something I get upset or reading something; I step away and say out loud, “I’ll come back to that later”…you know defuse the situation. Little things that are child appropriate, but actually work. So I am trying to show my kids how to deal with different possible upsetting situation. Because you can only talk or lecture so much before any child, hey even some adults, will stop listening. I cold keep going with sample, and observations and I am so certain that many of parents are teaching or doing things that they prefer not to have their kids see or learn, yet they still do it and worse of all they get upset at their kids for doing what they do…I can’t comprehend that.
My Perspective:
Teach our children to really be better people than us. Stop before you react, make sure either your kids are not around or that you have a plan on how to deal with the situation, teach your kids good habits, teach your kids how to deal with the situation and not point fingers or react in anger. I know for some of us it is difficult to teach old dogs new tricks, but you know we are adults, we are for the most part intelligent, and I know that we all want what is best for our kids, it needs to start with you. The cycle needs to be broken, and don; use poverty, finances, marriage or anything else, because the way you handle all these things is the way your child will handle them…and if you step back and look at your reactions to those upsetting situations…you might be surprised that, man I look like that or I sounds like that or I did that…yah you did and your child will do it as well. So remember react properly or according to whom is watching, don’t smoke in front of your kids, don’t drink in front of your kids, don’t display anger towards your husband or wife in front of your kids, there is a time and place for everything…remember your child needs you to teach them the right way…the way you wish you can do…but are stick in those old habits. Your child will be a better, happier, more successful person when he grows up.
Thanks for reading till next time…Latino Man signing off.
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