Loving the Husband More Than the Kids is Key to Good Life
By The Stir Parenting – Fri, Nov 25, 2011 9:06 AM EST

I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad. "It's a different kind of love," she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, "Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?" Since when, indeed.

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Blogger Joanna Goddard addresses this in her blog and the result is very interesting. She spoke of a conversation she and a friend had after her friend saw writer Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity, a book about sex within a marriage (and after having kids). Goddard says:

Perel believes that there's a badge of honor among American women to not prioritize yourself or your marriage: It's all about the children. Without realizing it, she said, women can end up getting their emotional intimacy and physical satisfaction from their children, instead of their partners, said Perel. They give their babies tons of wonderful affection -- and then don't have anything left over for their spouse. The marriage can become an afterthought.

Um, yep. How many women do we all know like this? It's not their fault. And I don't blame them. But it's a problem. A huge one, in fact.

The fact is, in a family, if mom and dad aren't happy, ain't nobody else happy either. The marriage should be prioritized higher than anything else.

I see it in my own family all the time. When my husband and I are happy and loving with one another, our children are happy and loving with us. They want to get in between us and cuddle and they are much calmer. After all, the marriage is the foundation of the family.

Ideally, children are born from the love two people share with one another. They grow under the umbrella of that love and then they find their own loves with whom they will do the same. Romantic love is so different (thanks mom!) than the love I feel for my children. I would die for my kids, jump in front of a train for them, and move mountains to keep them happy. But my love for my husband is different.

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It's burning and passionate and sexual (one would hope!). It gets me through the hard days and sustains me when things feel low. Without him, the rest would fall apart. I know this, he knows this, and we both work very hard to maintain it. It's not easy. My love for my children is much easier and comes more naturally and takes less work.

So in that sense, yes, my marriage is priority number one. It's what made my family and it's what will stay after my kids fly the nest.

My Perspective:
I couldn’t agree more with this article. It is very important for the husband & wife or couple in a family relationship to maintain their love for each other, make themselves the number one priority, because as it mentions…if the husband and wife are not happy no one else will be & it will be the husband and wife that are left behind after the kids fly the coup…so lets work on each other then the kids. I think it will show them a more stable life and the proper way to stay in a relationship.

Thanks for reading and till next time…Latino Man signing off.

Change – Is NOT Possible

I recently posted a topic or topics and some where in there I talked about change and sometimes the need for us to make the change which at times can be really difficult. But as I read through it and the thing s I am going through now I not only at a personal level by a professional level…”Change” is many times not possible. We can change certain things, but many things that go on everyday in our lives…even little things…sometimes cannot be changed.

Now, when you think about it…sometimes we hope for the best and try to change things, well those that we can or we try, but when it comes down to it…if you look back at some of those things you supposedly changed…they some how crept back and you are right back to square one. So, maybe it is noticeable or maybe not…but look around you and there is a good possibility that something you might have worked on changing…could be right back in your life.

Now, I am not trying to be negative here ok…don’t take my post the wrong way…but I wanted to point something out about what I noticed around me…not only personally but professionally. Even at work things that people have meetings on or committees that work through a project, process or whatever it may be…something to improve the bottom line for the company or business…well…I noticed that those 6 months of meetings and possibly tens of thousands of dollars spent on the committee…you know time and salaries of the individuals involved…pretty much seem to be written off. Because the issues or processes ends right back to where it started from…the work that was done…is for nothing.

And that doesn’t go only for work process and projects, etc. it happens in our life, with relationships, raising kids, love, etc…things such as New Year resolutions may get started but end up right back on our shoulders. What I am trying to say about this is that we try and make changes we would like to see done, but it seems that in most cases our efforts and or work seems to be for nothing. So why would anyone of us put ourselves through those kinds of regimens? Couldn’t we just avoid the work or loss of money and time and simply continue with what we were trying to change…because when you think about it…most of won’t make the necessary change unless something horrible happens…because it is then that we make the change because of a loss of a love one or a drastic injury to ourselves…maybe loosing you job and house…will bring about changes in how you control your finances…whatever it maybe …it all comes down to making the change whether it be by your own means or because of a drastic event in your / our lives.

My Perspective:
It’s tough to give my perspective because I could simply say why bother making change…why not wait until something drastically or huge event causes you to make the change without your opinion. Because if you try it just because you want to…it seems never to pan out…or for many of us…it does not pan out or it comes right back. Or you can go ahead and attempt a New Years resolutions and hope that in 6 months or year it doesn’t come back…if that is the case then good luck.

Thanks for reading till next time Latino man signing off.

Getting it Done



Things are coming to a weird point….what I mean is Life itself. I need to get a hold of it and start moving forward again. I think these past several years I have felt stagnated, as though my life has made no forward progress. I need more and need support to go with it. Trying to juggle many things in my life has become more of a circus show than life itself.

I don’t know anymore what I am doing if it is part of an act or if it should be something to do with life and how we want to live it. Many of us talk about living life to the fullest, enjoy the moments, but how do we do it or get back on track on doing it? I know we all don’t have a perfect life…you know, that perfect job, family kids and heck heading to a perfect retirement possibly early…no…I am sure we all have nothing in the bank to even consider a retirement any time soon or kids that don’t get into trouble or a family life that doesn’t require some kind of tension, yelling or arguments…about who didn’t put more toilet paper in the bathroom. We all move along each day as though we are clinging to the river banks…trying so desperately to get onto shore and on solid ground.

We all seem to be paddling along and really never moving anywhere…almost like a whirlpool…with no really grip on life or substance. Of course some of us end up drowning and some make it to shore on solid ground and start on the road to where you wanted to be.

Many of us look for the New Year to be the time we decide on a new beginning…a new solutions or the time to set goals. It could be form loosing weight, to making time for fun activities to quick smoking and to saving more money…but the thing is that statistically 70% of those new year resolutions never pan out…people simply give up or stop dead cold. I don’t know if those that make it through their New year resolutions have some secret to getting it done…or maybe they have the Mojo…whatever it is it would be nice if we could bottle it up.

The thing is that I hate trying to make a New Year’s resolution they never seem to pan out…so maybe if I approach it differently this year or this time around….I will get it done…whatever I put my mind to…who knows. The thing I might still lack in my situation is the “support” part of it…but I guess I can figure that out…still have a few weeks before the New Year.

My thing is…wanting to get ahead…financially…I know I can, I just need the opportunity. Because the work part of it is not missing…I will work hard, smart or whatever it takes…I just need the opportunity. I know nothing is free…so the opportunity is what I am looking for.

My perspective:
Don’t use the New Year as a time to set a goal or make plans for the New Year, take the time now to plan, and I mean plan smart within your means…and then execute. Do it for you no some superstition, not for anyone else but for you.

Thanks for reading my blabbering…till next time Latino Man signing off.