Friends with Benefits - Your "Get out of monogamy free" card?
By: Kate McGovern

Of all the pop culture representations of “friends with benefits,” Monica and Chandler might have made it look the easiest. On “Friends,” those two hopped into bed after years of platonic buddy-hood, briefly kept it casual, and then lived happily ever after. Research shows that this is unlikely in real life—off-screen, only about 10% of friends with benefits (FWB) turn into lasting romances. And anyway, since sex-with-no-commitment is what appeals to a majority of FWB participants, the Monica/Chandler resolution might be more nightmare than dream come true. For undergraduates and twenty-somethings, habitually strapped for time and money, the absence of dating as a prerequisite to sex sounds ideal. Sure enough, the friends with benefits relationship has become ubiquitous, especially on college campuses—but when it comes to sleeping with a pal, the morning after is rarely as straightforward as the night before.

If you haven’t done it yourself, you probably know someone who has. The odds a college student has ever had a friend with benefits are 1 in 2, with men more likely than women to report such arrangements. Among male undergraduates, the odds are 1 in 1.57 (about 64%), while for women, the number is 1 in 1.99. The rationale behind acquiring friends with benefits is rather unsurprising. Melissa Bisson and Timothy Levine, who conducted a study of FWB relationships at Michigan State, found that sexual involvement with a friend was viewed as safe and convenient. There’s also the comfort factor: many young people prefer to have sex with a person they know and trust, rather than that cute stranger at the bar. So an FWB situation is a happy medium between an actual romantic commitment and a casual hook up.

Isn’t it? Possibly not, says sex educator Yvonne K. Fulbright. Fulbright argues that a big problem with friends with benefits is that communication within the friendship itself breaks down. Bisson and Levine, too, found that about half of all FWB participants at Michigan State reported uncertainty about the relationship, and a majority of these said that those concerns were not addressed.

There is also the risk of one person developing more intense feelings for the other—the omnipresent threat of “wanting more.” Popular wisdom suggests that this is the biggest pitfall of friends with benefits, and indeed, about 81% of the respondents in the Michigan State study cited the development of romantic feelings as a key disadvantage.

Someone might get jealous, too. Even though there’s no official commitment, it can be hard to see the person you’re sleeping with flirting with someone else. The odds an undergraduate describes him- or herself as a jealous person are 1 in 1.79 (about 56%), and a large-scale study published in the College Student Journal found that students who described themselves as jealous were more likely to have friends with benefits than those who did not. While this might seem contradictory, perhaps it reflects a tendency for jealousy-inclined young people to avoid the challenges of committed relationships—or maybe the FWB precedes the jealous feelings, with the peculiar dynamic of a sexually involved friendship drawing out the green-eyed monster.

Either way, the research (and common sense) suggests that the friends with benefits scenario has its own risks. In the end, one in four FWB relationships ends with both the friendship and the sex broken off, and a third call off the sex—presumably when things get complicated—but manage to salvage the friendship. So sure, you can buy a t-shirt promoting friends with benefits, or find rules of the game online, but once you’ve hopped into bed with a friend, getting out can be much more challenging.

My Perspective:
I'm a bit scared to send my kids off to college...geez. I could say more, but I best keep my comments to myself...by the way...where canI get a shirt like that...LOL.

Thanks for reading, till next time Latino Man signing off.

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Office Drama – Drama - Drama

The other day I was thinking, as adults, well mostly parents, we have a tendency to try and lessen, for a better choice of a word, the drama our kids give us day in day out. I am sure most of us have been through or going through the daily drama’s our kids give us, whether they are small children with their tantrums or little individualism that crashes up against us everyday to the dramas of handling a teenager, we as adults frown upon that, we yell, ground, place in time-outs, but if you look closely it never changes, it becomes a routine. And the worst part of it all is that we have all been through it as children and teenagers; we were the same way with our parents and our parents were the same way, yah ok, as parents now, our parents would give us a backhand if we were out of place, now-a-days handing out a backhand is condemned by society so we try and avoid that as much as possible, so instead you ground the children or take away privileges’ and we know that only lasts for so long. So all the Drama our children give us and the drama we have to handle becomes a routine in our lives and we do it day in and day out.

It’s funny how parents do really know better, but of course Teenagers as well as young children test us everyday and you know we allow it, because besides punishing them or getting upset, we do nothing else to try and get rid of that habit or tantrum or whatever we may call it, we simply deal with it again when it comes up. So I ask, WHY can’t we have a generation of off-springs that will actually stop and listen to an adult, especially parents and say…”Ok you know I better not do that because my mom/dad told me that this would be the consequence, ok I won’t”, but of course that isn’t the case, as teenagers as well as young kids they go forward and do the things that is forbidden and then of course we get angry and ground and the cycle continues. Why is that? We as parents do our best to set a good example, you know, show them that hard work pays off, or that going to college actually gives you a better chance to land a job, or that being prepared for the future is the right thing to do, or of course not to sleep with anyone unless you have taken the proper precautions. Now, I have being told by other parents that we can raise our kids to be the best they could be, but that there is always someone out there, other kids, adults or groups, whatever the case may be that could possibly change the direction of our kids. But I say, if you educate your kids, lead by example, support them, and actually have some real stern ground rules and punishments in place, then why would someone have the capability to brainwash or lead your child in a different direction. Drugs, simply say no thanks, you a whose, well thank you, but I am a healthy whose, I mean I understand that it is human nature to try different things and of course it is human curiosity that pushes us to try or do forbidden things, but let’s say that you can show your kids these things and do it in a controlled environment, with you, let’s say, maybe then they will learn from you on how to handle these situations when these scenarios present themselves to them. I mean they do say that kids our a reflection of there parents or at least they absorb our habits, whether good or bad – hmm.

Anyhow, I wanted to lead into the whole drama thing into adults and of course work environment. We as parents can’t get away from the drama. You remember little Johnny always crying because he never got a turn or would never win, well believe me when I tell you that it doesn’t go away while at work or even dealing with adults, there are many adults that act as their kids do and the situations almost reflect what we see with kids…it is amazing. Ok, prime example…most companies work on “Productivity” and in order to get merit increases or recognition or even bonuses, companies associate a Point value to the type of work you perform, so lets say for every widget you make you get a point, but in order to meet a Productive day, you need 30 points or build 30 widgets, so in addition if you are being considered for a bonus you need meet 90% quality on those widgets. Now lets say that you are in the second part of the process, where you get a rough widget and you job is to smooth it out and add decals. So, you among lets say another 5 people do this job, and you all reach into a pile of rough widgets…the thing is for some reason you are faster so you happen to take more rough widgets, or once in a blue moon a special widget comes through and they ask if you can finish it. Now this can create issues, those other finishers in your group might now get as many widgets so they might not meet their goal for either production needs or their bonus incentives. Those other finishers, get upset, make a scene, talk directly to a supervisor or manager and then the manager needs to place a few rules and send a global memo stating that we all need to share in the wealth so be conscience on what you are taking. So I ask, in consideration to others, should you slow down and produce less?

I mean drama never seems to leave you, why is it that some parents get upset about their children’s drama, when they themselves can’t seems to stop with their drama. Come one, I am really certain that all of you out in the workforce, hey even just hanging with your friends, you run into drama, and truthfully you secretly say to yourself…”Are you serious, are these people for real”. Yah we all go through it, one way or another we see it and maybe it does not affect us directly but sometimes we are the ones that need to handle it…go figure. I just hope that those that handle the drama created by others do not have their own drama as well.

I am amazed at what you see at work, with friends, family, kids, significant other, I mean it is all around us and yet we do nothing to try and change it…yah ok you are thinking to yourself…”how can I”…”it is impossible to change something you can’t”, so why bother. Well, you know…”Heck with that”…I think we can, and we need to start with us, ourselves first…we need to learn to handle situations without making drama, there are ways to communicate what you want without sounding or looking like the end of the world has come. Once you have been able to get away from the drama you make, then you can start with those around you; kids, significant others, family. Yah I know you can push your values, wills, etc. onto others and you really shouldn’t but you have every right not to have to deal with drama from others, so people that care about you will respect your wishes and believe me, they will eventually thank you for removing yet another piece of “Drama” from their lives as well.

My Perspective:
As for the Job drama, times are tough, so maybe slowing down would be the correct thing to do, well maybe not the correct thing to do, but a temporary fix, while the economy gets better, maybe slowing down is wise. Once things pick up, then see nothing wrong with shining at work, showing them that you are a hard worker, you deserve the recognition, you have earned a place with the company…because you know why, this will flow over to your home life, if you are recognized, then you are a better person, and your family and friends will noticed it and be grateful and appreciative of your happiness…yah slow down for now and wait for the right moment to shine once again. As for the Drama with adults, you know…we need to start with us and make changes within ourselves before we can start changing the things around us. And if you think you can’t change people or you shouldn’t, well, if they care, truly, about you, they will respective your wishes and well eventually thank you for removing apiece of drama from their lives as well. Learn to react to things around you, stimulus, learn to communicate what you need in a relaxed, professional, calm tone…and if you catch yourself starting a little drama…hey why not…stop and count to 10 backwards and try again…communication is the key to everything…I mean that…everything. We need to be able to communicate what we want, but communicate it properly…I promise that it will lift some unnecessary weight off of you.

Thanks for reading and I hope to touch on this topic again. Be safe and Drama Free.

The Health of the US and other Countries

You know I am in the Real Estate business, and I have seen, well I am sure we have all seeing, how the market in regards to Real Estate is faltering. Yah…it’s a great time for all cash out investors or buyers looking for bargains, but even with cash out…it seems that closing a deal, honestly, still seems to drag on and on. With that said, I wanted to share some things I have been reading and of course just give my opinion on the matter.
The economy fluctuates in line with what the Media reports, not really what the DOW index illustrates or what the feds might do or not do. That’s my opinion, yah the feds might increase or decrease the Interest rate, yah the DOW Jones dropped 200 points or goes up 200 points, or maybe the dollar goes weaker or stronger, but when the news media hypes up little news, maybe, actually they blow it up out of proportion, then the market reacts…and people then react. But you know, what I see is a lot of young folks, not really aware of what is going on, seriously…maybe their approach is to ride this out and not let them affect them, but when they loose their job and they can’t find something quick enough, what then, does it become an issue then. Do they begin to pay attention to the news, the media, and the economy and wonder why they can’t find a job or why the cost of milk suddenly went up 0.50 cents or more?

It’s sad to see, I seriously try not to let it affect me, but I do have to keep up with the information and news flashes, but I do not have to buy into all the hype, just get the information I need to make solid decisions. And maybe because I have a family that might be another reason I am so vigilant on what is going on. I mean I have to consider my children and their welfare for their future. I can’t have the little I have saved for them disappear into a void or something. I need to make decision to move investments around to support a growth. Yah, growth you say, there is still some growth, just need to look for it, whether it is an international investment or a safe investment of 1.75 or more percent return…hey something is better than loosing. I know many of us are looking for that 6 to 12% return, but we need o be vigilant about it. I am sure many of you have your stories to tell, the hardships, the success you might be encountering, am sure there are also many out there that don’t really bother keeping up and pretty much take each day as it comes and deal with it one thing at a time. But for some of us, we like to be prepared for the future, many of us do look forward to retirement and leaving something for our children, you know even if it is small, but something that could help them along once they complete school. Oh yah and don’t get me started on the whole higher education costs, that’s something many of us are dealing with or will be dealing with…how do we prepare for that? Vigilant, look, read but don’t read too much into it, get the information you need to make solid decision or at least some type of decision.

Indicators state that foreclosures are on the rise again, that States are falling behind and actions are needed to make things flow, sometimes those actions are not welcome by individuals, and sometimes decisions are hard to make, especially in today’s economy, but what would help if these steps, by our government are not taken? What can be done…we all seems to have a solution, but if you look really into your solutions would it really help, or would it simply divert the issue out for a longer time or towards another group of individuals…I mean…we all can offer solutions…but when it is done and said…hard decisions will have to be made.
I guess this topic could lead into a book about the United States Economic crash of the 2000’s and a conversation that cold potentially be endless…geez. Can you see it?

My Perspective:
This topic; our economy; the health of the United States and of many other countries is in the public eye. We need to all listen, watch and keep up with what is going on around us, simply because it does affect you in someway, maybe not now and hopefully never, but the people, friends, family around you…are affected…and somehow that could lead right back to you. So, keep watching, listen and I wish everyone the best and just hang in there…we are an incredible species, we are resilient, innovative, and strong…we will make it through and better days will once again be upon us, but hopefully with this lesson, we learned not to over indulge in things we really don’t need, but enjoy the simpler things in life.

Thanks for reading, till next time.